The image above doesn't relate to the title directly but was taken on today's walk which it concerns. A long while back in around 2009 onwards when I was pushing my agoraphobic boundaries I used to get a physical reaction which set me back just as much as the mental side. So much so that when I talked to anyone in a similar position it's something I would ask about and usually I seemed to be alone in that regard. I'd call them "after effects" which occurred from overdoing it. The problem though is that there was no logic to it. For example I couldnt say they started a mile from walking or 20 miles from walking then just not overstep that mark. It could be a mile one day and quarter the next. There was no warning too. I didnt start to tire and feel physically knackered gradually. It would just hit me. Sort of like sometimes after lunch you can suddenly feel really tired out the blue.
But that is a nice tiredness, this isn't. It's an agitated tiredness. I referred to it also at one point as "black exhaustion" because it felt like a horrible blackness running through the body, like a thick tar through the veins. The body needed to rest but was too agitated to when I spoke to the cbt guy he remarked the same.
I mention it because I have been experiencing the same lately on and off. It will pass in time but not sure how long. Today was not a big walk but I felt so uncomfortable after it. I didn't take off my shoes because I felt a need to flee. I tried lying out but could not get comfortable. My eyes were nipping with tiredness and my muscles buzzing with overuse but I could find no solace. When my wife asked me to do something as simple as taking the washing out the machine I felt iritated because I just wanted a bit of peace to rest but some agitation kept poking at me. As I say though it will pass but its not enjoyable when it occurs. It also makes me apprehensive about going for walks and reluctant to go too far.
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