Where am I am at? Still where I was a year ago. Or maybe a little behind that if I am honest. For example last year I had an overnight which was a disaster but I done it at least. My sister-in-law is taking the girls to to a concert and staying overnight in a hotel so my wife suggested we stay over somewhere with our son. Last year I would have attempted it. At the moment I won't. Not sure why. Last year I went on a train several times but I have not been on a train for a while and to be honest no desire to unless I need to. So I am a little behind. Only in my own head though. I am sure if I were to do these things they would be no more difficult than they were last year. It cannot be helped.
Graduated exposure. That is what it comes down to. In terms of going on foot I am still getting out at least as much and mostly more because I can do it alone and it does not cost. For example on Saturday I walked 8.5 miles over 2 walks which I could not do in a week 5 years ago. Graduatated exposure has worked for me and continues to work but there are exceptions. I don't drive. I have an old license and decided I would not attempt driving again until I get that sorted so that is something I am going to do next month. That said though I can't say I a desperate to get back on the road with all its rage. So I have to rely on my wife and also the car which is old and from that point of view there is not the freedom to do the exposure that there is on foot. Staying overnight, restaurants, trains and all the rest come down purely to finances. The graduated exposure would work but I can hardly spend weeks and months staying every night at a hotel. Nor can I really afford to go on a train every day as they are not cheap. A monthly pass is an option but I would worry that it would not be as cost effective as hoped. Also I cannot keep doing it every month. These are the unfortunate realities.
And that is one way of looking at it. I've done the mountain analogy to death so lets instead use a path. For years I have seen a road ahead with a turn never knowing what lay around the corner. Last year I reached it and turned the corner. What lay around the bend? The rest of the path but this time with a final desitnation, not a vanishing point. That is the road I am now on but its not going as smoothly or as quickly as i hoped. Along this road is employment, holidays, a new home and all the rest. Those though are further away than they first looked. There are so many things in between like getting a license and getting back driving and going further by public transport and staying out longer at various places. That is fine. I just got a little impatient and tried to push too far too soon. What I have learned this month is that I let myself get overwhelmed too easily. I see all problems at once and try to deal with or, most likely, run from them all at once. I need to deal with each one at a time and build- gradually.
Again I look back to a year ago and I see all the things I did actually came later. I had done a lot by the end of March last year but all I had done by this point I can still do. I built and I will build again. One of the things I did a year ago was quit smoking. This month to celebrate that, a one off celebration, I treated myself as I promised I would at the time. I got myself a zoom lens for my camera which I have been after for a long time and so now I can see the wildlife a little clearer before they run off. That in itself has got me out more as I roam over wet fields and through woodlands looking for an excuse to take a shot. Usually with the same outcome like today when I tried to take a shot of a cormorant and fell down the slope scaring it off in the process. But already I have some shots I would not have managed before and if not at least its giving me the opportunity to do it.
Things have gone a bit stale of late on the blog. Its a breather I think after turning the corner so to speak. I think I have waited long enough for a second wind and must now take the bull by the horns and push on. The kids finish up for a 2 week Easter break tomorrow and that is the perfect time to get out more regularly as a family. Its also a great time to put together a list of what needs doing and start tackling it one by one starting with that driving license. I hope over the coming months I have more reason to post. My posting frequency is a clear indication of my progress, and lack of, over the past 12 months.
