Cooper

Cooper was a beautiful dog and more so as a pup but daft as a brush with a string of baggage which would only come to pass later. Why was he called so? I don't know. He wasn't my dog and I never asked. I doubt it was after magician/comedian Tommy and did hope he was named after Twin Peaks' famous Joe loving agent but I suspect his name came from a former Scottish footballer. It doesn't matter. Its not important.

Cooper was possibly the beginning of the tale which continued to now and us having our own dog. A young neighbour got him as a pup but as there was no one to keep him company during the day I was only too happy to help so most days I'd take him down the park. It was fine in the beginning but as time passed things were not quite right. I tried to train him but he would not even make eye contact. As soon as I took him out the door he pulled until he got to the park. And I do mean pull. I had to keep stopping and resting with him because he pulled so hard the whites of his eyes got red and his breathing got laboured. Not enjoyable for either of us. A real shame. It all ended one day when we got a call that he had bit his young owner badly enough for her to have to go to A&E and that was that.

It was not the end though, far from it. My wife started volunteering our services as she tried and failed to get a dog of her own. There was Isla, a very nervous collie, who we just had for a week as a one off. A few times though we had either Fergie the Jack Russell or Harvey who was a mix. All great fogs. That is what led us to getting our own but it's not turned out the dream move we planned so far.

There was another animal and this troubles me. I am told we also looked after a cat named Michael for a week but I have not one jot of recollection of this. That in itself bothers me but its compounded by two other facts. I keep a diary on almost a daily basis but the month this happened I have nothing written at all. Secondly I have photos of the dogs but not one of a cat. How could this be? I have my suspicion which I will get to at some point. All I will say for now is that this happened at my worst period when everything started to collapse around about me again. As bad as that was it may actually have alerted me to tbe glaring source of my panic and anxiety which I will get to as well in time.

The quiet

 

It has really quiet today, eerily so. It reminded me of the early days of lockdown. I'm not sure why it was so quiet. I walked my wife and son to the chemist with the dog. There is a primary school opposite a secondary school which are both still closed of course. The medical centre beside was also closed which I didn't actually know about. I'm guessing GP appointments are done over the phone at the moment. The chemist was shut too. That was a surprise because it wasn't meant to be. I think it's so quiet they shut up shop early. I looked up and down the street and there was not a soul apart from us. Or maybe the streets are so quiet because nothing is open. Its a little unsettling. It is like the place has been evacuated but noone told us.

Is this the new normal? If it is then its very surreal and will take some getting used to. I just wonder how much the world around us is going to change. If there is any sort of benefit I am hoping that more jobs from home become available and interviews done via video calls. It would be great to feed my desire to work which is stunted by this agoraphobia. And that is something I am having real difficulty with again. The chemist is about half a mile away and as well as being in two minds prior as to doing it I did get uncomfortable when I got there. Small steps though. The quiet did help so for me at least maybe the new normal might be a slight improvement.

Although I have been going out throughout lockdown I have not been into the heart of the town except at night in the dark. Usually the dog walks are down to the woods or away from town so as not to encounter people. That is why today's visit into nothingness was a little bit of a shock. There should be people and there should be noise. That was it- the noise of traffic. There was a hush. A gentle unsettling quiet. I just wonder how long this will last. 

Overgrown

 

Everything is slowly returning to normal but still there are many signs that we are not completely out of lockdown yet. The image above is not that clear on its own as to what 3 months of no grass cutting will do so I've added an image below of how it normally looks. This area is actually known to us as "Alton Towers". That is very much tongue in cheek. When my oldest was a toddler my wife suggested I take her to the playpark at the top of the street. Unknown to me there were two. There was a brand spanking new one built in the new estate. That is what she meant but I ended up here. All flattened now but at the time it was concrete covered in broken glass, swing frame without the swing and a set of monkey bars. I spent around 10 minutes there wondering all the whole why my wife had pointed me in that direction.

I do wish I had taken more photographs during lockdown because it was so strange and one day it will be forgotten. I remember in the early days walking the dog through town and seeing no one. No cars either. I could walk into the middle of the road and take photos. I wish I'd taken in all tgd signs on every shut up shop. When I went down the park the chute, swings and all the rest were taped off like a crime scene with posters pinned to trees blaming Covid. Scary weird times. I wish I'd taken photos to do a before and after at a later date.

But slowly we are returning to normal, it would seem. No one can really say with certainty that there will not be a second wave. I remain unconvinced because it blew up quickly originally and could do quickly again. I don't think we are yet prepared were that to happen unfortunately. I hope I am wrong though.

Flooded

 

"Why is the carpet wet? ", a chill runs down the spine. We were in the living room and the boy was pointing at the floor. As I looked I was filled with dread as I looked to see a big wet dark patch by the wall. Worryingly not the first incident of its kind. This was my wife's flat before I met her and up until this year we have had no dramas. In fact up until lockdown ditto. But about 6 weeks ago the same call by the same boy. This time though in the hallway. My wife had arranged a shower setup in the bath for the first time in years and unknown to us in that time the sealant around the bath had come away so when the shower was on the water soaked through. Thankfully no lasting damage done. Shower removed.

Last Thursday night though was something I have been fearing for a long time. My oldest daughter keeps running baths and forgetting about it which is why she is banned from doing so when we are out. I have been living with that fear for a long and finally last night that was realised. The only surprise was it was my wife who ran it and forgot. Total nightmare. Opening that bathroom door to be hit with a wall of steam and see the floor covered in water was soul destroying. More so when we realised we did not own a mop. Towels, bed sheets and hairdryer.

It was all fixable. That was apparent thankfully. We had caught it early enough yo sort it. More drying today and a few washing machine loads later and it's getting there. That was not my big concern though. That was for down below where we have an elderly man living. My fear was we may have damaged his ceiling- or the owner's to be more exact as he rents directly from the estate agent. As yet no word on that. When I see him I'll ask him. We are hopeful though we caught it on time.

In this day and age there is no need. We have an Echo dot and its easy to ask it for a reminder when you run the bath. It's do simple and so handy. Hopefully that will be put to more use in future. I get the feeling though that a repeat performance won't be on the horizon.

Mask

On Friday it was not only my daughter's birthday and the day of the flood but also the day it became mandatory to wear face masks in shops in Scotland. The week previous Scotland's clinical director was on the radio answering questions as he does weekly when it ended with the question (paraphrasing) : Now that we have to wear face masks 3 months after lockdown are we to now hand out condoms at Christenings? No reply to that one. That about sums up my feeling to and that of some checkout staff I talked to who have spent quarter of the year dealing with the public maskless. Its not that I disagree about the move as I don't but I cannot help withing this should have been done weeks ago as soon as PPE availability allowed.

That said its also not been introduced correctly. On Friday I spoke to my brother who lives 20 miles away. He'd been to a Tesco and said everyone was wearing masks when he went in. One guy then appeared without a mask and took so much dog's abuse he left. Hardly surprising seeing its mandatory right? Not so I find it strange that we are told something is compulsory when there is no one enforcing it. In the time since the government has admired retailers are not expected to enforce it so just who is? An understaffed and underfunded police service?

I was still shocked though when we went shopping that night to find 25 to 30% of people were not wearing masks. More surprising was that about 20% of staff were not wearing masks either. Last night we shopped again and I further noted that some staff who had masks the night before were not wearing them last night. I give it a week and there will be more people not wearing masks than wearing them. There is no clear message from the Scottish government and I fear the ambiguity is going to lead to arguments and even fights in the aisles as a result. Tensions are bad enough as it is.

I personally wore a mask only because it was easier to do so than argue with someone about it. Wearing one might actually turn out to be beneficial for me from an anxiety standpoint. On Friday when I put one on I actually struggled with my breathing. Stupid I know but I genuinely f we lt short of breath to the point I told my wife I'd have to leave. I got do agitated and just wanted to rip the mask off outside. I didn't leave and finally settled. Last night I had no issues at all. It may well help me long term. I see I am holding my breath which is something I need to work on so that is at least good to be aware of. For now I'll keep mine on.

Lunch is ready

 

Everything has a story and this is the story of lunch. Accidental delight. I'm not a great one for lunch to be honest but when I gave up smoking 5 years ago I tended to eat more maybe as way of compensation. Even that over time has calmed. I went from not eating until dinner time to having breakfast and lunch every day but over time I calmed to breakfast or lunch or mostly neither again. The plus side was I was underweight smoker so now am back to well over my ideal BMI weight which for me is a positive given most of my life I have been underweight. Its very much a psychological win to be carrying a bit of timber.

Anyway the story of lunch or in particular the chance delicious salad sandwich. My brother sent me a video about two of our great loves: football and food, entitled "The food of the gods". It involved Adam Richman (of "Man v. food" fame) going to Napoli to take in a football game and more relevant to him take in the food pre-match. As you would expect some of the food in that part of Italy is mouthwatering. Anyway he visits L'Atica Pizzeria da Michele which was established in 1870 and still going strong as the most famous pizza house in that part of the country. The other amazing thing about this pizzeria is that unlike all the UK pizza houses who serve up a large menu of different pizza toppings the choice at da Michele is one of two. You can have Marinara which is tomato, oragano and garlic or Margherita which is tomato, basil and garlic. Simple.

What should have led to a hankering for pizza actually got me thinking about something else: soup. I remembered having a can of tomato and basil soup in the cupboard and how much I enjoy my favourite soup which I had not had for a while. So at the shops I bought a small store baked farmhouse loaf for 79p and it done me for chucky bread with butter along with my soup yesterday. Most enjoyable. Today I was once again hungry around luchtime and after searching about I found a half used salad containing lettuce, cucumber and tomato. I also found some spring onion and salad cream. Normally not enough to go on but with the remainder of the loaf inspired by a video I was able to knock up a couple of sandwiches which I thoroughly enjoyed by accident. As great as they were I still would have swapped it for sitting in the pizzeria eating authentic pizza. Maybe one day.

Shopping

 

It took me a while to first venture to the shops after lockdown started. Quite how long I can't remember. Partly like everyone else the thought of infection was a concern but mostly it was because at one point it was only one person per household. What really stopped me though were the weeks when queuing ran around the block. We are lucky enough that we can see the front door of our local ASDA from our window so now can go when the queues are gone- to be fair queuing appears to be a thing of the past now. Those waits though were not for me. Someone 2 metres in front and same behind wedging me in. No physical barrier but still I felt trapped enough not to do it.

One night when the rules were relaxed me, my wife and middle child waited in the queue. I was determined to see it out. But I didn't. Seconds felt like hours and I felt compelled to move where there was nowhere to move to so instead agitation grew and grew. It took me back to the start and standing in that meeting room at work unable just to stand still and listen before finally fleeing. Standing or sitting still while doing nothing should be easy. How hard can it be?

Shopping now though is back to normal. Maybe too normal. People in the main are ignoring social distancing in our shops and where floors read 'no entry' even staff move through them. You get the impression no one is afraid any more like they were in the early days. Even at the front door people enter through the exit unchallenged because they cannot be bothered taking the long way around to enter properly and safely. Personally I'm not sure where I stand any more. It's very surreal.