A sense of duty. Responsibility even. Maybe just a genuine desire to help. These are some of the reasons I assume that can drive certain people to keep badgering individuals even when it is made clear they do not want their help. People with good intentions, People who's heart is in the right place. People who have a view and want to help but don't stop to ask if you want that help. Its a bit of a quandary when it comes to dealing with these people. On one hand most are going it from a good place. On the other hand the majority also don't stop to ask if you want that help. I mean why would you not want help if its offered?
There are plenty of reasons actually. Top of the list is that no one wants decisions made on their behalf when they did not ask for it. That is the situation I find myself in at the moment and not for the first time since coming out of hospital last year. I see a pattern. I am not completely intolerant. I compromise some to meet half way. I have no problem with therapies despite after a year of it in hospital I am no better off physically and definitely worse mentally. In hospital I had little choice in the matter so had to persist with it. I am not in hospital now though and I have not asked for help so I just want to be left alone. I'll sort it out myself. But THEY won't leave me alone.
First there were the occupational therapists. I couldn't go to them so they came to me. I assume that was OK as they didn't mention it and given my sister-in-law works in the same job I know going out and about comes with the job. In the end though I had to cancel it all. I felt it was sending me backward rather than helping me which was not their fault. Physically I did not improve. That was no surprise to me. I had spend over 6 months in hospital doing gym work 3 times a week and there was no physical improvement. Well I suppose I just have gotten fitter and stronger but that had no impact on my problem which is mobility. My problems walking has nothing to do with physical strength or fitness. My problems are the result of a bang to the head. There is no apparatus in the gym to work on that.
My GP was next. My memory problems are such that I cannot even remember why I had to see him. All I remember is that he was angry that he'd had to come to me rather than the other way about. That was enough for me to decide I wouldn't be in contact with him again if I could help it. That has been the case so far.
So its back to the present and yet again I am being harassed. This time its the hospital. Why? I have not got a clue. A while back I received an appointment to go to the Super Hospital which I was expecting but could not go to for several reasons- mental, physical and financial. With this one though all I have is a reminder via text message: You have an outpatient appointment at University Hospital Hairmyers on 03/11/2026 14:10. I have no idea why I am being asked to go as I have not been informed. I have no intention of going. I didn't ask for it and certainly don't want it.
It won't end there I am sure just as I am sure that I am really get sick of this whole saga which I hoped would end when I came home from hospital. I don't want anything further and have made that clear but it keeps coming. Just when I start to believe I am free of harassment another text or letter appears out if the blue. All I want is to be left alone so why can they not respect that?
I am tired and more than a little weary of it all to be perfectly honest. I feel hampered. All I want is a clear run to start my own unaided recovery. That has been made more difficult because I am no longer receiving my medication which I used to receive in weekly blister packs. The interference of one person keeps setting me back from this lack of medication to the long spell receiving no money. I cannot seem to catch a break long enough to build from scratch.
Maybe this is it. If not then maybe it is not far away. How will I know? I will know when I can breathe freely. I will know when I shut my eyes at night and can sleep find a calm where there was once a maelstrom of worries. I will know when I wake without apprehension. What I don't know is whether that day will ever come or how far away it is.
