It has been has been over 6 years since my last post but I have the urge to start posting again, so here I am. In truth that itch has needed scratching for a very long time. How long? I can't say. The blogger who blogs here is not the same person in mind as blogged before but still in body. The reason for this is I had an accident and it has effected my memory badly. That in itself is one of the reasons I have returned to blogging as I feel over time I can start to connect those pathways to access my former self. Then again maybe that is not important. I am me in the here and now. Who I was before really has no influence on who I am now as I cannot quite remember. Maybe, from a blogging perspective, that is a good thing. I will no doubt find out over time. I just feel engaging the brain again to raid the memory banks of what it can will in time help me mentally. If not then to be perfectly honest I can't rue the loss of what I cannot recall.
I should start by explaining why I stopped blogging in the first place. That were for two reasons. I had basically no reason to keep going on with the blog based on my reasoning for starting it. I started it because I was bogged down with severe anxiety and panic attacks. It was a way to get the thoughts out my head and interact with like minded people. It helped for sure and led me also into the lives of others which were of great interest to read about. But my point of blogging was to get some sort of clarity of the mind. Before online journaling I filled a multitude of notepads in an attempt to unclutter my mind and make sense of it all. Blogging is a vast improvement as it brings interaction, friendship even, understanding, encouragement, feedback and even a kick up the backside if you wallow too much in self pity. Writing in a notepad reminds you of how alone you are. Interacting with people who have an understanding and/or are going through it themselves brings a much needed hope. Anxiety can be a very lonely and cruel place when you are surrounded by people who, understandably, don't understand. When I finally got myself anxiety, and panic, free I had no need to blog any more. Most of the people who I interacted with over those years had gone. Where? I don't know to be honest.
Anyway at the risk of blabbing on too much I will wrap things up there. My anxiety problems have gone yet I still feel them bubbling under the surface waiting for any excuse to spill over. There is good reason for it I suppose. After years of being anxiety free I started experiencing again last year for reasons I will get to. The threat remains so I assume the adrenaline is still dripping. The point of anxiety is to keep you on your toes against any threat. Ironically, as is usually the case, that threat is a self perpetuating cycle of fear against the feelings of fear. Again that is for another day.
