Lull

 

I am in danger of running out of things to say for sure. I could talk about coronavirus throughout the world and the figures but not only would that be depressing it would also mean going and finding out more because I am shielding from it where I can. I could talk about the long days indoors and the angst that brings. I could talk about the great work being done by NHS staff to treat and care for people or the shop workers keeping us all supplied each day or the logistical people keeping it all threaded together. In time I think people will look back and see heroes in this time who went over and above to keep this little island ticking that maybe do not get all the gratitude they deserve at the moment.

For us its still the slow grind. The exception is my wife who is doing deliveries to people at the moment as part of a council led initiative. To my knowledge it is exclusively for older people as many deliveries are to nursing homes. I think from what she says many enjoy the company as much as the hot meal as they may not see anyone for long periods. And sadly that part is being reduced so some suit can get the delivery times down to look good on a spreadsheet. Anyway for now it is rewarding my wife says but rather selfishly I still fear more outdoor contact wife people increases the risk for all of us indoors. Lets face it if one of us gets it we are all getting it.

The walks remain the single break from the mundane for the rest of us. The dog gets several shorts walks a day but also one long one where he gets to proper stretch. And its good for us too. Being out in the woodlands and near rivers and general outdoors is good mentally. I am used to it now. Its more for the kids really to stop them going mad indoors. It started as a big of a chore to be honest but now its enjoyable so we must be doing something right. 

Stir crazy

 

All this being locked in doors has really taken its toll in a week to forget which has me worrying about what lies ahead. In a big house this situation would feel claustrophobic but in a flat with five people its a nightmare. It makes me wonder what we do if someone catches Covid. How do we stay seperate from them in this confined space? Its not as if we can move them out to one of the rooms in the west wing or start taking our teas on the lawn. We are penned in. The dog has helped no end. I hate to think how things would be with no excuse to go out. The kids are now wanting to go out when they didn't before. It gets to you.

But it all came to a head one night this week in a total horror show indoors I won't go into involving the oldest child who seems to think she is exempt from lockdown. Just awful to be honest and something we could really do without. Its done now though, hopefully. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a situation you want to flee but being made to stay. Instead of leaving as my anxiety wanted I had to sit it out until it was resolved. 

Aside from that there is not a lot to say in this lockdown. We stay in, try to pass the time and walk the dog now again. Like has revolved around the dog right now as he is an outdoor pass. Meanwhile the world outside is starting to change. The photo above is from the local play park which is closed with swings and the likes taped off like a murder scene. Its hard to comprehend sometimes that this is life at the moment. 

The secret garden

 

There has been no change on the lockdown front but we have found a way to get some fresh air while keeping away from others. We have decided to take the dog out as a family most days and on other days anywhere from 2-5 of us. Always me and the wife. We have found an area in the woods that my wife calls "The secret garden". Its neither but it does seem to be infrequently inhabited, open and green. The dog loves it as he is virtually off the lead. If you look closely you can see the long black training lead trailing behind him. In his head he is free. Mostly its fine because apart from some deer we rarely see anything living but I try to stay lose as whenever a train passes he goes for it at top speed and I have to try to stop him. My wife says there is a fence that will stop him but running into a wire fence at speed you don't see coming is no fun. It did one happen to me getting chased once when I was younger and not only took the wind out me at stomach level on impact but flipped me over too with a crash.

Its great down there though. We feel like we are away from it all and the kids are getting out more probably in lockdown than they usually do outside of school. We just saunter. I had trouble getting down there to begin with but now its fine. There is a part of me concerned by kids drinking alcohol down there who are not at this spot but at the point you need to get through to get there. Its the other side of the railway bridge which is out the way and a favourite space for underage drinking as it has a concrete floor despite being in the woods which is a throwback to a slaughterhouse from years ago. Also there are places to sit. It ticks all the boxes. There are kids down there all the time. I talked to a guy who stays down there and it can get very bad at times with kids not even in there teens falling about drunk down there.

Its a far cry from this little area of serenity which is bliss. Its great for the mental health. Its an escape from the prison walls. We are lucky.

Corona

Eddie large has died from Corona and the PM is down with it. This thing is indiscriminate in choosing its victims and the severity with which it bites. The toll keeps rising. 16 or 19 in Wales takes the UK total to 2000 the other day. Its not even at its peak yet. Then the Scottish figure. I said to my wife I could not believe Scotland had less deaths than Wales. There was a reason. One day I was astounded to read deaths had jumped from 76 to 126. Wtf! 50 overnight. Turns out it was 10 overnight and 40 from previous days where covid19 had not been proven at that time to be the cause. 78 year old Eddie Large. A 68 year old Scottish man named who knew quite quickly he was dying and did. A 52 year old American song writer. Its rapid and vicious and discriminates against no-one. Scary times.

Unfortunately that is all there is at the moment. We are all locked behind closed doors at the moment. For me a dog walk is my only release. I am glad now we have a dog or there would be no reason to go out. My wife's work is closed but this week she started doing meal deliveries for old folks in care homes. That brings concern too. Apart from that the days are long and the news is grim.

In my 5 decades on this planet I cannot remember a scarier time. I don't have any bad memories from my childhood and they all seem to have been of long hot summers. My grandparents had the war to contend with in their youth. For the kids this must be incredibly frightening because not only does this look bad but we have no idea where it will end or what it will lead to. 

Fool's day

Definitely not an April's fool but it feels like one. The world is falling apart and my laptop has just fallen apart with it. This is the second time it has happened to me and this one is no less frustrating. This laptop was expensive even though I got it in a Black Friday deal a while back. Everything was great and it was everything I hoped for. Then a crack appeared on the casing. Then another. On further inspection there were screws missing on the bottom but it would turn out to be a lesser problem. Over time more cracks appeared and the keyboard area started to bulge. Eventually after a while I had to investigate and found that laptops had firstly changed. It used to be the battery was a removable device which was handy because if you were running mostly off the mains then you could remove it to save it. Not this one. This one was internal and under the keyboard. Not only that but it had developed a fault that had made it double in size therefore pushing all the plastic casing out and finally cracking. 

That was something I managed to work around but it got so bad even glue and sellotape were not keeping the thing together. It seemed every day the battery inside just kept expanding and the brittle thin plastic was threatening to keep snapping. What make? Lenovo- never again. Finally this week the joint between the screen and the rest of the laptop broke off and could not be put back together. The way it was constructed it mean cables did not reach and although I have all the working parts they will not connect together so it is basically a dead laptop and I don't have any money to replace it. I used it most of the day and now I don't have one so that has created its own anxiety. Frustrating. I had it happen before as I said with a laptop that had a known fault which Hewlett-Packard refused to replace. Prior to that I had another laptop which like this one had such a flimsy casing it basically fell to bits. They are not cheap these things and not built to last. Now I have to get by without one which is not going to be easy. 

The laptop is a distraction and I have needed a distraction. I have been trying to avoid all the fear mongering over Covid. The last time I looked was on Sunday and the figures then in Scotland were..

On its own it does not look a lot but each day it is climbing. That is the worry at the moment and after a period of following it I have decided to try to avoid it if I can. Its not looking good. The world has come to a stand still but right now there are no signs of an end to it. The virus that is not the world, thankfully.