Altered realities

  

In the future what will people make of it all? A while back I had a real appetite for genealogy and the holy grail was always photographs for me. I'm not sure if that was the case for all. I've seen enough episodes of "Who do you think you are?" to know many have lots of photos of ancestors that I don't. My gran had the main source and chucked cinefilm before being stopped from chucking photos too. But there are not enough. I craved finding a pic of my maternal grandfather who was an incredible man but killed too young before I was born. Likewise a photo existed of my paternal great grandfather who died in his early 20s but I have never seen it. These for me are things greater than money.

Anyway mucking about with an app I produced the above picture making myself look 20 stone or so. How long will these exist? I know from having teenage girls that fake tan, nails, eyelashes, contacts, glasses, hair and do much more are all the rage. In years to come what will our descendants find which is actually authentic? It's scary just like the reanimation I mentioned before. Ironically though I found out my estranged parents told my aunt and uncle that I had given up on life and was mentally gone, beyond help. That narrative and the above photo would paint a very alternative reality so just how much of the past can we believe? 

Edging Forward

  

The fact that I went further in one direction is not the point here. Its the fact that having done so not only was I not fighting the urge to turn back but I was actually fighting the urge to push on. Normally when doing graduated exposure the first goal is to push out to the line in the sand. Second on the list if the first is achieved is to cross that line. Third and final is to push within reason as far as possible. Like being tied to home by a bit of elastic as I have said before. This time though it was like the elastic had snapped and the only thing holding me back were the recent demons of doubt. 

I pushed on into Bothwell on Monday to a point I have not been for a few years. And it was OK. And really part of me wanted to push on further. I am glad I didn't. 5 minutes later I had a crash. The power and energy just went. It was hard enough where I was but 10 minutes further out could have been a disaster. But there are good signs there. These little glimmers of hope happened first time around unexpectedly and led to bigger strides. I feel it is happening again and that feels good.

The photo above was taken in woodland in the way back. Strange I saw my first deer for a while but it was not like others. I actually thought it was a boxer. It was the same sort of colour but by the time I had my phone out it was gone. I have never seen deer here. So many new expensive houses are being thrown up here that I fear the deer have nowhere to go. 

Midnight creeper

  

A little nocturnal thief has been on the prowl again. Just look at his guilty face. No chance of me just taking the belongings back. That needs a bit of smoke and mirrors. I had to wake my wife to clear up when I took him out first thing as he needs to be out the way to do it. And as soon as we came back in he was straight for the bed then a little bit aggressive that his new possessions were gone.

They are possessions. He doesn't sit and munch them. He just takes them to his lair and guards them. As I type he is growling at anyone passing as I dropped a slice of lime in the kitchen and he was off with it almost before it hit the ground. We know when he does it. He moves faster and his body is lower to the ground as he takes his swag. I have told my wife and oldest countless times about leaving their bags in the floor but it keeps happening. I would have thought the chewed cards would have been a wake up call. 

Glue

  

Something has happened to my phone. I picked it up face down and the screen almost fell out. Gave me a fright. Its annoying because this is supposed to be "progress". Older phones used to clip together. It was great. I never had any problems with that. Then then started gluing them together. It meant you couldnt easily replace a battery or a part. It meant you had to pay someone to do the simplest of things. As a result I fear the glue on my phone has eroded.

Its 2 years old which is when most replace their phones but my phone otherwise works fine. Its very like what happened to my laptop. So I refuse to buy another when I have a working one. I also refuse to spend £50 or whatever to someone to glue it. I decided to glue it myself. And I did. It appears fine for now. I'm not sure how long it will last.

In order to do it I found some Gorilla glue which we have found seems to work best. It took me a while to open it though. I was beginning to think it got its name by way of having to be a gorilla to open it. It wasn't just by inability to open the lid which bothered me though but my lack of strength. As I turned I could feel a lack of strength that has always been there. It was an eye opener. I think I'm going to have to start doing press-ups again or something as I don't like feeling that weak. 

338 Sheared

 

" Sheared "

Finally I chopped the lot off. Long overdue. With the weather getting better my hair was just getting in the way so today I took matters into my own hands. Alone at home with the dog I first set about chopping with a pair of scissors - in future I should use a mirror as I chopped too deep in places. Then it was the razor. Not the best job in the world but free and instant rather than the covid waiting in queues. I feel lighter for it. 

Cutting

  

" Cutting "

I actually could not say with any certainty that before I got up the other day I had ever cut grass, ever. In my 50th year that is a bit strange. Something tells me I have but I cannot recall. An orange electrical mower rings a bell as does cleaning the grass off the blades of a push mower. But still I can not say for sure I have cut grass. Well I did this week. A kind neighbour called me over while out walking the dog asking if I wanted to borrow the mower she had borrowed from her dad. The grass has become overgrown lately so I jumped at the chance.

I should say the grass has always been cut for us until now. The factor who looked after the flats had always hired a gardener to take care of that. But out the blue they have pulled out leaving us all factorless. That is no bad thing as we have all wanted out of that arrangement for years with no way out- the flats came with one. There were too many things to mention as to why they needed ousted but a couple bordering on the illegal. The rumour at the moment is that they pulled out after being challenged about a car park security light we all pay for. Someone apparently found it was actually a council owned light which they have been charging us for. Whatever the reason I'm glad to be out. Someone from the other block is trying to arrange a new factor but our block of six will not be taking up the offer, tale for another day.

So I mowed our grass and the grass either side of us as one belongs to an elderly man and the other is presently unoccupied. Not a great job as the neighbour told me later. The thing is I left the edges for fear of breaking someone else's equipment but plan to tidy that up this week. Also it was a tangke of cables up the stairs and into the living room with the dog tied up halfway on a long lead to allow him freedom to move. At one point though I looked up to find him wandering about the garden off the lead which set alarm bells running. I was just glad in the end to get it over with. When my wife came back from work she asking if I enjoyed cutting the grass. Did I not find it therapeutic? No, the short answer. 

It won't be the last time though hopefully. That grass will need cut but we don't have any space for a mower. We will have to work something out though as it cannot be left to grow indefinitely. I think next time though I will do it on a day I am not alone so someone can watch the dog indoors or sit outside with him as it was more stress than it should have been.