I hate that feeling when something is missing and you know it but can do nothing about it. The incompleteness generates anxiety. The gap cannot be filled. I think back to the long period I went without a wedding band. One day it just was not there and every day after it bothered me until after a very long time it did not. Then one day my wife found it despite having bought another in the years between. It was in a toy box. We surmised that it had come off when throwing a toy in which was likely true given my fingers had lost as much weight as everywhere else in that period so it did slip off at times - mostly when washing my hands. Many wasted searches outside where I was convinced it had been lost could have been avoided if I'd started indoors or had fatter fingers in the first place.
It's a feeling everyone is familiar with as it happens from time to time. It could be a tooth extraction or some material object list. I used to get it with broken watches and that habitual look for the time on a bare wrist before we all held on to mobile phones. And I have it now.
Years ago I had a good friend who wanted to buy me and one of his other friends a lasting token of friendship. He chose a St Christopher medal which I was thankful for but shamefully lost at some point. I'm not sure how because I never owned a chain so it sat in a sock drawer. I think it got lost between several moves. Anyway when I got engaged my wife got me a watch and a silver chain. Years later she bought another St Christopher for me. It wasn't just to have something to dangle. He is of course the patron Saint of travellers. The irony was not lost on me. I got the first when I was not agoraphobic and had a longing to travel. Maybe its loss was the onset of agoraphobia. Maybe not. The second was purchased when I was agoraphobic but sadly didn't help. Not noticeably or in any haste at least.
Today I noticed something lying on the floor and on inspection it was my chain. It was unlinked but strangely not broken. And the medal was gone. I have searched high and low without success. The chain was at my feet. I had changed tops to assume on taking off my top while sitting on the sofa I have accidentally caught the chain and it has come apart falling to the ground. It makes it all the more bizarre that I cannot find the medal. So now it will bother me as again I will feel incomplete. One last thing though. I was drawn to the mantelpiece for something else and for the first time noticed an old chain with a cross on it. It must belong to my wife, her mum or her gran. I have not asked. I'm not religious and have no interest in it but feel this strong compulsion to wear the cross. I can't explain it and that in itself is causing its own little anxiety
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