It's another "Where's Wally" but with a deer. There is one there I promise. A young deer. Am unfazed youth. The fog just stared too not sure whether to chase or be chased so doing neither. It was the first Wildlife we have seen for a while while out walking the dog through the woods. Later we saw a squirrel. Hopefully more will follow. Seeing wildlife solidifies that sense of being away from modern life and back into nature.
Our walks are increasing in distance and duration slowly dependant on whether my wife is working or not. And with that we will see more wildlife hopefully. If only my ability to stay out would match my desire to do so. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record this DWP decision hanging over me is a constant source of anxiety which is still spilling over.
We walked down toward the river and were within about 20 feet of it. I was thinking how I had gone much further than I expected. And that was enough. My muscles tightened. I did not want to go thd last few steps. I made excuses - the ground is too boggy. My wife wanted to go there but I put her off. But then she started walking another direction away from home. I still could not move. Struck by fear. I said I would slowly walk back and she could catch up. It was a constant fight with panic. Eventually it calmed and I walked back to meet her. From there I felt the panic was gone. We walked further. It's going to take time and it's not going to be smooth. I have to accept that.
No comments:
Post a Comment