I bought myself something today and I feel guilty, I always do. There is a guilt built from 3 or 4 years of struggling financially that I still cannot undo emotionally. In fact maybe longer. Maybe it started in 1998 when I was given a credit card form, signed it, received a card and was not advised that I would be charged 30% Apr- something I am still being charged 23 years later. As a guy in his 20s living alone and earning a good wage I had no desire to seek out the small details. I do hope nowadays the kids are better protected given the world is far more virtual financially now than it was then. I just used the card in shops rather than withdraw cash first. Nowadays most purchases are done online, a card is essential. But I doubt that protection exists. Before I paid most of my card off a few months ago my credit limit was more than double what I owed. I was getting letters saying how the lender was concerned I was only meeting minimum repayments yet at the same time with a button push I could have doubles that debt and put myself in the darkest of places that few come back from. It's scarey and it's shocking.
Anyway with any purchase I still feel this guilt at spending. My aunt and uncle were talking about the games they are playing as was my brother and his wife. I don't have a means to play games or didn't. I bought a means because I wanted to and it would not break the bank. But I feel guilt at doing it. So much so that I gave decided its the last thing I will buy for a long while. We need new carpets, new beds, things fixed and so much more but for now we are going nowhere. For now I needed a little distraction indoors to pass the time. Rightly or wrong though this guilt remains. It is so entrenched that I still struggle to check my bank account for fear it's empty again with bills pending. Its not but those years of having to deal with that have scarred.
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