113 Unreality

 

" Unreality "

Today I went for my first long walk since my accident last week. I'm glad to say physically I seem to be mostly fine. The leg is still a little weak feeling but no longer tight and not a concern. Mentally though not do great but expected. I tried to pick up where I left off knowing it would unlikely be that simple and was not disappointed. It was harder from the off but it was not until about a mile from home that it all went wrong. Unreality came after the exhaustion first kicked in and then the breathlessness. Then the Unreality. It's hard to describe because not only is it different every time but it's different for different people every time. Basically in my case it's like the view I would expect but different and that can be confusing and unsettling.

Think of a view before you but you put a filter over it and maybe even warp it. When you get something different before your eyes to what you expect however familiar it leads to brain fears. Even when you know its not the alerts still come as they are primal undiluted sirens warning you something is wrong. It's a state than can lend itself to panic very easily and quickly 

It is hard to describe. You feel sort of disconnected. In the past I have related to myself that it's like someone has wrapped my head in bubble wrap. Senses are distorted and confused but almost a touch away. It's not a nice experience. I'd pushed too far too soon so will take it easier. 

And it is thankfully temporary. It doesnt feel like that as t the time but it us. It's a sensory overload and that passes. Always. Anyway for whatever reason I kept getting drawn to this single red leaf. I don't know why but something deep within thinks it has meaning. It could be something as strange as a documentary I watched about the film the "Sixth Sense" in which there was something about the colour red. This was years ago when the film was out on DVD and included in the extras. I looked it up and found that in the film the colour red comes I to prominence when the natural world and supernatural world collide. Spooky. I should have left this post for Halloween!