I've been finding a lot of old things lately in my search for something else. That is the way it always works for all of us. I probably won't find it. One other day I'll be looking for something else and probably find what I am looking for now. The clutter hides so much. We have so little space and yet so much clutter.
I found this diary. I haven't looked beyond this opening page. I remember it strangely. I remember my then girlfriend taking the notepad I bought to store my thoughts and writing the words above. We'd only been going out 2 years. It was written in a flat in Perth, Scotland 60 miles away from where we are now. I worked there. It was 3 years before we married and had children and lived together. It was a time of hope with everything ahead. And as sometimes happens it never went to plan. I was anxiety free then, single and financial doing well with no ties.
I did think about looking beyond. There was a huge weight of nostalgia just in those few lines. I feared more might be crushing. And so I placed it back where I found it. That hope is no longer hope as I know the outcome. That cannot change. I can though change what comes next and that is my plan. Everything is returning to normal. On Monday the kids go back to school full time and my wife returns to her main job. It feels like the right time to give myself a shake and knuckle down to make a better future. Two decades later the hope is still the same but this time I see what lies ahead.
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