025 Lidl

"Lidl"

I've been For a change we, and because we only needed a few things, we went to a different shop. I'm still not going anywhere in the car but this is thankfully walkable. The trouble is it's right at the edge of my agoraphobic perimeter at the moment which means it was hard enough getting there but doubly so to go in. I haven't been in there in a long time. Certainly not since lockdown. That made it all the harder.

The truth is going in was not the plan. If it has been then I probably would not have gone. My wife had some things to get and wanted a break from driving so asked if I'd walk her with the dog. That is what I did. When we got there though I realised I had nothing for dinner and had no idea what to ask my wife to get while I waited outside with the dogs as I had no idea what they currently stocked. My wife suggested I go I. First, find dinner and then come out and tell her. That is what I reluctantly did. I was panicky and that continued to grow. My breathing issues were compounded by the face mask I felt was suffocating me. I started to fear there was no quick exit. I just wanted in and out as quickly as possible. I tried to look at food but all I could see was the distance between where I was and home. I couldn't take in anything. Finally though I did find something and panic eased. It's going to take time but I have to be honest and say although I have to go through all this again I really am not looking forward to it. I'm also bitterly angry at the reason I am back here but that is for another day.

The fact I could sit outside for 20 minutes with the dog while my wife shopped is an indication of how much I did calm. Like evetone coming out of lockdown we are all finding things a little strange. Small steps. And sitting outside at least my mind was occupied with pacifying the dog who was going for everyone who came close. Worst of these was a woman who approached from behind me and gave the dog such a fright he nearly broke from my grip. It's hard to get angry as the woman gave him a chewstick which did subdue him and as she had one on her person she was obviously used to dogs. I just wish people would ask first. I'm worried that a fright like that which I don't see coming might result in him biting someone out of fear. On that score as the owner I have to be more aware too. After that, which was the last of 3 incidents, I stood up and walked him around the corner where he could wait in peace.