Walking the dog

I am beginning to wonder if I am Noah. The rain has not stopped falling and may soon pick up our little home and take us away. In preparation for this it would seen the animals have been making their slow pilgrimage to our Ark. Some time ago we were asked to temporary home a cat by a couple who were emigrating to Australia and noone has ever come back to claim him. Sometime after that we got another cat which once belonged to my wife but apparently like a library book the loan period of a number of years expired and the cat returned. Two cats. Then on Saturday a big dog arrived for an "overnighter". Still he is here with no sign of anyone coming to collect him any time soon. And I wonder if the next person to appear comes to give and not to collect to make up two doggies. Then budgies and rabbits and whatever else. This little ark is bursting as it is. A small two bedroom hovel housing 2 adults, 3 kids, 2 cats and a big dog.

No need to worry though as the old dog will be collected within the next week. For one we couldn't afford to feed him for any longer. But he has been a great distraction for the children. An excuse to go outside so they can take him over to the grasslands across the road and stay with him for a time. A chance to show him off. And the chance for us to all go walking the dog as a family.

I would not have contemplated this at the start of the year. No chance. Yesterday though we took him for his second long walk and as a family (kids were off on holiday) we walked right around the main park in the area. The first time I have ever done it. In fact my wife and I started to do it the day before but I had to break off as I was finding it too hard so it was good not get straight back on the horse as they say- no thanks, the ark is full!

Not without panic but I have come to accept that. Lots of panic and at one point full blown panic which did having me walking quickly ahead of the others but I managed to control it enough to slow down and let them catch up. That old feeling I could not breathe again and so far from home and doubt I could make it home and again I cannot breathe and thoughts of falling down as the dizziness kicked in and images of ambulances and paramedics and I tell myself to calm as I will be OK but I cannot for the life of me get a breath. But I stayed and eventually the breathing eased. And no-one noticed. Nor did I tell my wife after. It was also good that they did not make a big fuss about it despite it being a big thing because that is the bit I don't like. Things though have been going so well lately that I think now they don't expect anything else other than to be able to do it. That is fine by me. Maybe that helps too.

Panic aside it was good to be out with my family for a stroll. Not the most picturesque and not the nicest weather but a bit of normality I have strived so long for finally experienced. Panic with them all but they are all bare thread which when multiplied and woven together with time will give me a quilt of normality. That is what I feel. That is the hope I feel.