Point 10

Finally I got there. On a whim. A few times I have been here (in the photo above). Outside the school and nursery with my legs already pointing home and cannot get there quick enough. Beautiful morning, a walk to school with my family in a t-shirt. Smiley faces. Everyone is happy. So much grey and rain and cold behind us. But I never left. I walked on and on and in and helped the boy change his footwear and then on into the main area of the nursery itself.

They all know and they don't know how to act. They acted with kindness. They made a big deal of it. I felt overwhelmed. Look, daddy's here. Well done daddy. People to my sides, behind me and in front of me. Totally overwhelmed. The gravity of the situation came flooding in. Struggling with the shakes and struggling to get more than a whisp of a breath. I stayed. It seemed like hours. It was maybe 2 minutes.

Then I left. Not the release of relief that it was over but the start of the real battle. Getting home. So far away in the distance. I'll never make it. I'll never make it at this pace. I want to break into a run but I can't run because I barely have enough energy to stand up straight and not the puff to jog. So I strolled and slowly it eased.

10 points in graduation that I always doubted. In 2011 and 2012 I thought I was doing well to get just over half way. Never thought for a minute at the start of this year I would get beyond it. In all this time up until a couple of hours ago I could not see me ever getting inside the nursery. Now I have. I should feel proud but it feels wrong to celebrate something so mundane. Now I am tired and don't want to have to do it again. Already its a memory. A memory but a good memory at least.