Doctor Doctor

*I know the photo doesn't link with the post but it was either that, a picture of a phone, a pic of me holding a phone with a look of dismay or stalking my doctor from afar.

Doctor, doctor I really need you to write a note for me.
- Sorry I can't.

Not a funny punchline. In fact not a punchline at all but it felt like something with a punch in it, I didn't find it funny either. And at the moment I felt a strong something. Not sure what but a strong emotion engulfed me. Could have been anger or could have been despair or could even have been both or maybe its was something else. Bah, who cares?

I am of course talking about the phone call from my GP so I could get a letter stating I am not fit for a work focused interview wherever that may be when I send off my appeal against the decision by DWP that I am ready for work. It could well have been that although I always have my doubts I was about 90% sure he'd say yes and I would pick said letter up later so when he said no I about dropped the phone. I'd sought advice from people in the same position who had been through the same thing and this is what they had advised me to do but I guess everywhere is diffrent.

It turns out though it was not all bad news and as he explained par for the course. He told me I had to appeal and then the DWP would contact them direct for information and he would give me his full support. Phew! And furthermore he gave me the name of a council department who help deal with these things and said to contact them so that is my next move with the hope that they can assist in the process.

Aside from the call its been quite an unbelievable day in many respects. My wife said she was astounded when I accompanied her to her friend's house (Waited outside) where I have never been before, then down to the shopping centre, then to the park where we spent 5 minutes with the boy going up and down the chute and finally to the Sport Centre to pick up my oldest. Nearly an hour in total which is a record for me.

Here is the strange thing. I feel I should whisper it. In fact I don't really want to say it for fear of a jinx but I will say it. I actually felt normal. After an hour out I did not feel the need to run home and could have stayed out longer had we needed to. I felt I could go on and on. But I counter that with the fact that 10 minutes after coming home I felt a wave of fatigue flatten me and that is the way it has been for the rest of the night.

Still though as I said before all these little things are building into slightly bigger things and this feeling of normality feels like it could be leading somewhere positive for the first time since all this started- again I am loathe to proclaim on the road to wellness but I feel that way. I don't want to get carried away but I do want more and already this week I have walked 20 miles which for me is huge with still the weekend to go and if I get more of the same I will walk more of the same and keep pushing. Positives. Little bright stars in the dark night.