Today I am a bull. Inside these four red walls I know all too well I am found too often sitting or lying on same couch day after day contemplating or looking out of the window at the world passing me by. For distraction I will immerse myself in cyberspace or lose myself within the pages of a good book. The monotony of the same recurring days has me scurrying for anything which will take my mind away from all this. Sometimes though, like today, I feel a build up inside which consumes me and agitates me. It is like a pulsating ball of energy bouncing about inside me not letting me rest but instead propelling me into action.
Today I am a bull. A bull who is now ready to charge. All morning I have been trotting around in circles shaking my head looking for something to dig my horns into. The trot gathers speed. Frustration mounts as cabin fever digs in it's claws a little deeper and I start to snort gruffly in a rage. Finally I trot no more and instead take up the stance. There I stand panting heavily with hands in tight balls turning my knuckles white. The hooves scrape on the floor as I kick them back in turn and ready myself to rush headlong into the red before my eyes. With head bowed faster and faster scrape the hooves. Quicker and quicker pumps the heart. The breathing is so rapid that control is lost. In a fury I finally charge.
Outside I am no longer a bull. No longer confined all the pent up rage vanishes instantaneously. I am tiny and the world is as vast as it is empty. There are places I want to go which I can see but they are way off in the distance. When I walk towards them they seem to get further away and as I don't to be left out in the wilderness I return back. The limbo is disorientating. At least indoors I can find stability where I can dream of the sea and rambles through the forest that are so vivid I can almost touch and smell them. And all the while like Theseus I must quell the urges of the bull I hear stirring within.
