I feel I am slowly getting back on track again with regards to the walking. After falling back it is going to take time to find my stride again but hopefully not as long as when I started from being . It could not be helped but if I can find it within me I will get back to where I was quickly. At the same time though I will be sensible and not go straight into trying 3 long walks per day.
Yesterday I managed two walks which I felt took alot out of me so today I will try one later. The second was a bit of a success. It was about equal in distance to the first but I was out longer. The longest walks I have done in the past 3 months have taken about 10 minutes a time. Sometimes the same walk is quicker because I have a tendency to walk to quickly so I consciously try to slow my pace to a more reasonable level. There was one time I was out for half an hour in a very long walk by my standards but that was only once and I suffered a long time after so never again.
On the second walk yesterday I went to meet my family coming back from the shops which I did. As we past the kebab shop though the smell gripped me and I said to my wife that I fancied one. I knew though it was too early to go in so I did not but she took the girls in while I waited outside with the baby boy. That was about a 10 minute wait and the panic surfaced a couple of times but I got through it. OK it would have been better if I had gone in, ordered the food (which was for all of us not just me), waited and paid. So it was tainted but I won't beat myself up too much about that. I still waited even if it was a few yards away from where I should have waited and is a step forward. All in all I was out about 20 minutes. This is something I need to do more often.
The time out is important. I spend so much of the day off my feet even if I am not walking it should help if I am on my feet more often. The waiting game could help. Even if I arrange to wait outside the shops for my wife it would help and then slowly maybe go in. I remember doing this previously and felt better for it.
As I've already said I have a problem with people coming to the house which came after a big panic attack but also after I was made redundant. Being around people is foreign to me- other than my family and this no doubt has an impact. So if I can get out more and be around people, even if not interacting with them, then surely it will help me too. I feel I am stuck in my own world whereas everyone else is in another. The only way I can see to bring the two worlds together is by being around people more.
It can be done. Back at the start of February having not been in the shop for over 2 years I found myself in a long queue inside a cramped shop body to body with people. It was hard but I waited and managed it. So it can be done. I remember at the time I could not believe it and when I got home could not tell my wife who was just out of hospital. That was a really good time for me and I hope to get back there. I know it is possible because I have done it before.
