The end of the year brings a time of reflection and so I reflect. My memory though is not so good. Before looking back at the year I decided to have a look back at this time previous years and to my astonishment the last time I posted on new year's eve was 5 years ago. As foggy as my memory is I was pretty sure that was not the case. Maybe I deleted posts at some stage or they disappeared on the move. Last year I waited until the start of this one with a post looking forward rather than back, maybe that is the way. I did that a few times before. In 2009 though I posted about the year and how there were some little positiive signs to hang on to and looking to the year ahead. As it turned out those hopes were unfounded at the end of 2009 and I went downhill fast in the two years that followed. Maybe its because now I seem to have found myself in a similar position now that I feel the need to reflect. A better place though, much better place. For the first time in this period of anxiety induced stasis I actually feel like I am on the road back to wellness or normality at least. I've felt although there is a long way to go still that I might be getting there. Signs of things I used to take for granted returning.
It has been a good year and that is something I never thought I would be staying at the begining. The year started with a letter from ATOS and the panic that brought. Its something that when it was over brought relief and disappeared from my mind but that period is coming back to haunt me because in April things are about to get stormy again in that regard. That though is the only cloud in a clear sky ahead so thought I might as well get that out the way. My achievements have been many this year and too many to list. They are scattered throughout in posts. 1300 miles walked is an achievement in itself but that is just a means to an end. In essence I have been going further from home and staying out longer in places I have never been or not been for a long time by car and on foot. One of the pleasing things was finding a load of maps I had marked out with routes I would like to do one day which I remembered at the time I had no chance of ever getting near and yet finding on the rediscovery that I had completed them all and more. So many things to mention and yet so much more yet to be done but I feel closer than ever that I am getting closer to them. More than that I have built a belief now that they can actually be done rather than just dreamed about.
A list has not been created as yet but will be written out in the coming week. Not resolutions which I can tick off as I break but places I want to go and things I want to do. I am as yet unsure of whether to post the list as its probably more a personal thing but then again its a personal blog about my life so I might do. Some things simple and some not so. For example going somewhere by train which has been on my mind for a long time and eats away at me so much I really have to get it done. Plenty to look forward to. Aside from these things there are others I need to look at too like work and hobbies in that order. I have let my photography interest fall away which is a shame because the interest waned shortly after saving for and buying a decent camera which has turned into an expensive ornament and the camera itself has become almost obsolete.
Work though. That preys on my mind always. What to do? Where to start? Wishing I had a mind to start something up myself rather than be employed but always coming up short. Computer programming is always something I keep returning to with the blend of interest, enjoyment and creativity but a long hill to climb to get there given I have been out of the loop so far and not even sure where to start. I need to work but still not at that point yet where I could go out and do a full day's work or even half a day. Not on top of things enough to be able to do that but getting ever closer to it. Something to keep in mind at least in the hope that something clicks into place.
So many good memories for this year and if this coming year runs the same course I will be very happy indeed. As well as reflecting its a time to look forward and I feel at this point in time I can with some real hope for the future. Not just for me but the knock on effect of my family.
With that I would like to say to all reading this have a fantastic 2015 wherever you are in the world and I hope the future is good to you.
2 comments:
At the end of every diary, I write a summary of the year and how I see the next one panning out. Looking back over them, I'm aware of how often I've got things completely wrong in terms of my predictions. "I'm feeling optimistic" has often been followed by a major crisis; or "I'm fearful..." only to find some really positive things happened. The future is unpredictable, but it doesn't stop us trying :)
I think in the end, while we cannot predict outcomes, what we can control is our intent. And generally if we intend to follow a path, we're more likely to stay on it.
Wishing you every success on your path through the year ahead, Rab :)
Thank you Kim. Wishing you all the best for 2015 too- somewhat belatedly.
I do find that too. In fact I find that so often it makes me hesitate when trying to bee positive really. But a path is something we do need regardless of whether we can keep to it as you say. That path is something I am still trying to work out and I know I need to work it out as its important to know the path you are taking.
Again thanks for the good wishes.
All the best
Rab
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