A fly. I hate those little disease ridden things. Not what I would like to look at, apologies in advance. It was though the only bloody small creature I got in focus such are the problems I seem to have with the autofocus on my little compact camera like I said yesterday. The macro does work but it takes a lot of mucking about and luck to get it in focus. If something is moving even slowly then its a bugger to get.
Still patience was never my thing so maybe I need a bit more of that. I personally don't think practice will make any difference as its a bit of a lottery. And self consciousness doesn't help. Crouched with a camera as cars full of peering eyes, in my head at least, drive by doesn't do much for my paranoid android instincts to flee or look inconspicuous- I blame the local rozzers for that- twats.
But I wanted to try to move outside and looked about for something that someone hadn't dumped, wasn't a shopping trolley or a broken bottle of alcohol and this is all I could find in focus. Many other better looking living things out of focus mind you. Maybe I am doing it wrong. I'm not one for reading a manual.
A lot of anxiety this week, no more than usual. No panic which is good except for the fleeting instances of it quickly stubbed out. Some other irritations of a varying variety. Like yesterday when I woke with a really sore eye. No idea why. Don't know the cause. But it hurt all day long like it was straining and about to burst. Very uncomfortable. That's a new one but there are so many of those accumulated over time. At least as I write this post the day after it has gone as quick as it came. But like so many another day written off to worry over something in my endless rumination.
A busy start to the week. Not like me at all. Up and down the loft a few times after we had cleared out our one and only cupboard which was packed to the rafters. Halfway through having lain everything out and then sorted through it into piles, or bags, of keeping, charity and dump the room was a state. Feel like I should join the community and go toss all the rubbish we don't want up and down the street or in someone's garden. No one would care. Visually you wouldn't know if you looked around. Depressing really.
My body is not used to it but I'm sure given time I will shake it off. Muscles twanging having been dormant for so long and breathing struggling to get oxygen to them for the heavier than usual workload. Mind you I don't see it getting much time to right itself as I think my wife has more days like this planned for the coming week and beyond. But as shit as I felt before it the occupation did me good. Maybe I need more of it but maybe breaking in slower rather than like throwing someone who has been asleep into the middle of an ocean to swim home or drown. God that's a bit melodramatic.
