Doctor Self

Its been a difficult time and it remains the case. Its nothing new and nothing I need to bother others with as I so often do. The point of this blog I have lost along the way. I set out to talk about my life and dealing with my anxiety problems. As time as passed I have allowed my own obsessional thoughts to creep in here to begin with and now spill full flow. Its not what I intended to do. It stops now.

But what I will say is that because of my restrictions due to my inability still to cope with anxiety my problems are magnified- in my head. You see if I have a problem I cannot just go to the doctor or if its bad go to the hospital. Rightly or wrongly doctors are also reluctant to come out and I am reluctant to call them. So the offshoot of that is that I have to become my own GP. Since I don't have a medical background that has shown to be problematic and always will be for as long as I am agoraphobic. I'm not a medic but maybe the arrogant problem solving part of myself thinks I don't need to be and I can break things down to a resolution through reason- let's face it I have no other choice.

More and more I am seeing this as problematic. Misdiagnosis is a regular word in my head and even a proper diagnosis is always clouded in doubt. The former though leads to prolonged problems. It can lead to more severe problems. Both of which I have encountered in the past 2 weeks and for all I know longer still. Something that was preventable was missed. Something that then became fairly simple to treat was then left untreated. Misdiagnosis. Two things. Cause and effect, primary and secondary. I got them the wrong way around. By the time I saw the mistake I think I did then make the right diagnosis but then another mistake by presumption. The treatment was wrong and it was almost at the point of no return that I discovered this over a week after the initial problem started. Third time lucky and finally relief but then other problems have come from that which would not have bred had it been prevented at the outset or treated correctly early on. So now another problem and hard at work at another diagnosis. I could write my own medical book, maybe I should for myself to refer to.