We have five senses and they all give us constant sensations which pass in thoughts to our brain. Here the functionality is the same as it always was. But in a state of anxiety or nervous exhaustion something has changed. The difference between now and before is that we fear some of those thoughts. And this usually leads us to a conclusion. If only we could stop these thoughts then we would not get anxious and panic. For most, including myself not long ago, this is the conundrum we face. Just how do we stop those horrid thoughts?
For three months in 2006 that was my question to the visiting CPN. She brought me presents. I had a new relaxation CD, a new visualisation CD and questionnaires by the bucket load. Nothing of use. Every time she came I would say: How do I stop these bad thoughts? She had no answer. This infuriated me. I had only one question and required only one answer but never got it. She was supposed to have all the answers and could not even provide one. Now I know the answer to the question and that is that there is no way to stop the thoughts. If only someone could have told me that then it would have saved over a year of ripping my brain to shreds in search of an answer. More than that if someone had only just told me why I could not stop the thoughts and that I was wrong in my theory then it would at least have put my mind at rest.
If we look at the process again in the first paragraph we see the answer to that question is clear. So clear that it was always staring me straight in the face and I never saw it because I was already convinced otherwise. The process of thought has never changed. Our senses still work the same though maybe a little more heightened but the thoughts to our brain are still the same. The difference is that we now fear them and there is the real question: why do we fear them? Well actually that is not the question. It really doesn't matter why we fear them. I could spend another couple of paragraphs explaining that but it doesn't really matter. What is important to know is that it is not the thoughts themselves that are the problem but our reaction to the thought.
An example of before and now may illustrate the difference. We are walking along and notice that we are a little out of breath. Previously we may take an intake of breath to compensate or we may just note it but keep walking on. We may even stop for a moment to let it right itself and go on. Regardless of what we did before it is not enough to trouble us. We receive the thought, look at it, realise it is not a problem and continue. The thought comes, is viewed and the is let go with no emotional attachment to it so never returns.
Now it is different. We are walking along and suddenly notice we are a little out of breath. The same thought is sent from our senses. Now though we look at it and add fear to it. What the hell is wrong? What is wrong with my breathing? I'm going to stop breathing! Am I going to suffocate? Right away fear is attached and if we try to ignore it then the thought keeps coming back because it has an emotional attachment. Not only that but trying not to think of it brings it to mind every time prolonging it and giving it more importance. We have not dealt with it and the more we try to ignore the more the emotional attachment intensifies. As we realise we cannot rid ourself of this thought and cannot face it either anxiety grows and sooner rather than later the flight or fight mechanism kicks in with the release of adrenalin. We must escape to the safe place and though we may get relief there that thought has still not been dealt with. It will be waiting for us bigger and badder the next time the next time we are in the same situation. And because of that a simple association is enough to link to the thought and then relive the experience again.
So it is simple to see where the problem lies. It is also simple to see the solution: we just have to change the way we react to our thoughts. The application though is not so easy. Its the reason why I know how to recover but can't seem to put it into practice. Although the theory is simple in that we must unlearn the way we have programmed ourselves to react it is not as straight forward as that. The longer you have reacted that way the more the reaction is set in stone and very hard to change- it almost bypasses concious thinking. But to change you have to keep trying to react differently. It is finding the way to react differently and go against what has become your natural reaction which is the biggest challenge of all.
If you read any self help materialon anxiety then at the root is this theory that this is key to recovery. It is just dressed up differently with their own slant on things though in the case of Claire Weekes I would say that is not the case as she was a pioneer in the field. But for the others there is no real difference from what she wrote 40 years ago to what they are writing now and charging for at a higher cost. There are alot of people out there taking advantage of people's desperate state.
What does concern me though is that the people we look to in a time of need like GPs and mental health workers do not seem to know this. I have found through bitter experience that they are very ill informed and I have yet to find one of any help at all who knows what they are talking about. So it is good that there is material out there to help us because however much it costs that is the only place we will find true understanding. The trouble is though that we may have to put up with years of ignorance relying on people we thought new the answers before we find out our trust has been misplaced.
Anyway that is just a little thought of mine to sit in among the other little thoughts we are being bombarded with each second of every day. I hope though it is a positive one.
