2021

 

Its around this time of year that my wife comes home from work with gifts and an indication that the year is coming to a close. My wife is customer facing as a receptionist where there are lots of regular customers and there tends to be generosity this time of year. Above for example is a box of 35 Tunnock's tea cakes which is not cheap. That was just one of the gifts. I feel I should send them down to my uncle in East Anglia as he misses some things from home despite being away for all the time I have known him. I'm not sure if its these of the wafers he misses though so maybe I'll have to eat them myself. When my brother was down earlier in the year he took some Stornaway black budding. My gran used to take down Lorne sausage, potato scones, shortbread and other things I forget know. That was though a time when things were hard to get, a different world. Nowadays there is very little you cannot get if you want it and have the funds. Makes me think of my first holiday abroad at Palma Nova and newspapers were always so a day or two out of date which is very different from now where you can get them with a click instantly on your phone. I digress.

I can't remember all the gifts my wife got but she did well and as I said it indicates the end of the year. It goes too quickly. 2021 has shot by like a rocket in much the same way as 2020 did. I see I am over the half century now and my wife is a few years ahead of me. Two girls at 18 and 16 with the boy turning 14 in a month's time. It is scary. But the feelings are mixed. I am sure I am not the only one who could not wait to see the back of this year- and last. It has been 2 years of misery for everyone and we can only hope that if not for ourselves then the generations below the future years are better. Right now no one can tell and that is the hardest thing.

I relate everything to myself. In that regard I feel its very like my first full blown panic attack which had me unable to go out the door. That was incredibly scary. Not only did I not know what was wrong with me but I could find no one to help me. It was, and still is, a very lonely place. More than that though was the uncertainty of the future. I did not know if I would ever get better. I didn't know if things were ever going to be the same again. Two years on almost from the beginning of Covid19 we are all still feeling the same way. There is fear around every corner and the future is really unknown. I am not recovered but I see many people who are recovered- many, many people. I feel even after all this time I can still recover too because I have had a taste of it. Likewise many deadly viruses have brought the world to a stop over time and every time the human race has bounced back. I don't see this time being any different. Like myself it may take longer than hoped but when the destination is reached it will bring with it an appreciation that has been earned and a resiliance that will make the time after better than those who never went through it.