On numerous occasions in my life I have tried to keep a Journal but have eventually thrown away books or deleted data due to boredom. This is due to always trying to make entries every night which becomes mundane. So this Journal I hope will last a long time, as I will only write when I feel like doing so. When looking back on things I’ve written I’ve found I have had to plough through all the useless day-to-day crap I entered just for the sake of writing something. On the other hand I wish I could now look over the last 2 years, which I deleted 6 months ago. I also bogged myself down trying to recollect the previous years of my life but they are not important, although my 1998 French travels alone will be documented again from a copy I have. Whatever the case I will keep this one going.
I don’t need to review my life to this point. My life as of before now will most likely surface as I go on. I don’t know whom I am writing this to. Maybe I am writing this to myself and no one else will ever see it. This may all be deleted but it makes no difference whatsoever. Part of the reason, probably the most important reason, for writing this is to get my thoughts out of my head. That has always been the way. People who know I do this probably think I am soft but I am not. Just always seem to have so much going on in my head that I need to empty it from time to time to declutter.
The time is 21:41. I am currently sitting in the living room of flat in Blantyre. Its one of two temporary residences I flit between at the moment 60 miles apart. I rent a flat up north in Perth. It is my second flat there and have rented for a few years. When I started working in Perth I used to drive back and forth 120 miles every day so eventually I had to rent there. This flat belongs to my fiancée who shares the flat with her sister. We got engaged on 24th February 2000 which, to date, was the happiest day of my life. I really love her and could not imagine being without her.
Tonight I am alone for the first time in this flat. The women are out on a hen night. I finished my last IT contract at IBM in Perth 3 weeks ago and have been in Blantyre since then. I haven’t found a job yet but I have got enough in the bank at the moment that I don’t have to look straight away for work. I will look but not hopeful as the IT industry is now saturated full of people with useless certificates and no experience willing to work for peanuts and to be honest the money was the main attraction. May have to look for another line of work. I program, write applications. Maybe pursue that in the meantime.
At the moment I am unsure of where I want to live, where I want to work, what I want to do, if I am going to work and of how long my savings will last. I am really in a rut and frustrated. If I had never met my fiancee I would probably be in the Netherlands just now working. That is not to say I am blaming Helen. Far from it because to be honest I don't know if I want to work on the European continent as much as I love to travel there.
Last Friday I did get the train up to Perth and went to a night out with old work collegues. It was good to see some of the faces again. A few guys I wanted to see turned up but some did not. The night started at 17:00 and ended, one of the guys had a party in his flat after closing, at 03:00.
My fiancee's parents picked me up in the afternoon and we all went to Blantyre. I didn’t see much of my fiancee until night. It was her Aunt’s 80th birthday and the family was having a surprise meal for her. This was at the Ashoka in Nitshill. I went too but it was not the best meal I have ever had. I love Indian food but it just wasn't very good which was a shame because I'll bet it cost a bit. At night there was a party at her Aunt and Uncle’s house in Stamperland, Clarkston. It was a good night. Very laid back. Lots to drink and no problems. She drove her parents, her sister and I back to Blantyre late morning. It was 05:00 before we were all in bed.
In the late afternoon on Sunday my fiancee drove me to Livingston. My parents were both merry due to the good weather, a garden and a pile of alcohol. My brother and his daughter were in good fettle. My sister turned up with her rogue boyfriend which didn't go down too well. We also saw my gran for 30 minutes.
So that is about that for now. Not much to talk about. But this is a new start after IT contracting. The future looks brighter than it ever has. The paper is empty and waiting to be filled. A place to stay- a house up north maybe. A new job or working on my own. A marriage and maybe family. But I'll be honest. Most exciting of all is the travels that lay ahead. So many places I want to go and we will go there.
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