Genes

A brief description of present conditions as found on examination:

A nervous man, who today suffers from inflammation...

Disease from which you consider this man is suffering.

Muscular Rheumatism

Dated 1945. My grandfather. This document sits in his seaman's pouch at the National Archives in Kew from his time during the second war in the Merchant Navy. To be honest I cannot read the paragraph properly but think its something to do with problems in places like the shoulder and ankle leading the the conclusion that he had muscular rheumatism. But I can see clearly "A nervous man".

He never struck me as a nervous man but it got me thinking- is that what I have inherited through my genes. My dad doesn't strike me as a nervous man but has all his life been plagued with a stutter which I assume is nervousness based. Maybe not.

But then my grandfather had good reason to be nervous. He's been bombed three times on various ships during the war. This episode here was after being picked up bobbing about in the cold sea. From what I have been told he was in a bad way for a long time after. So every reason to be nervous at that point in his life.

I am aware now, looking back, of a nervousness all through my life. I wasn't aware of it at the time. And seeing that now makes me think it was a ticking bomb just waiting to be ignited by a certain amount of stress. In fact I see it was triggered 2 decades ago but over time eased before this latest episode.

And an episode is all it is. A long episode don't get me wrong. But an episode no less. That will not last forever. Some time in future I will be better and free of this. It will happen naturally but in the meantime I will keep working to speed things along.