Next in line

 

Not the best photo I know but it's not the best phone that I have and nor the best camera contained within it. It's cheap. Maybe if I had my actual camera, which I have not used in over a year, things would be different. Soon possibly. It is about time I got my camera back out again to push me out of the door. What the photo above is of, said better in words than visually, is a young fox. A new fox hanging around looking to be fed in some way. Stupidly fearless because he or she should carry fear or life won't last very long around here. The old fox is gone, long gone. It upset my wife but true to form she has gotten attached to this new one. 

I'd rather she didn't. I'd rather the dog was not barking loudly when I took him out. I'd rather our living room was not the soul illumination in the wee dark hours. I'd rather the wild were left wild because that is how they survive and any human kindness is a nail in their coffin frankly. They need to be afraid of us humans. They should be afraid of us humans.

It is a fruitless effort to argue. The ball is rolling and will keep rolling nightly. It will keep coming and my wife will keep feeding it. 

Midnight creeper

  

A little nocturnal thief has been on the prowl again. Just look at his guilty face. No chance of me just taking the belongings back. That needs a bit of smoke and mirrors. I had to wake my wife to clear up when I took him out first thing as he needs to be out the way to do it. And as soon as we came back in he was straight for the bed then a little bit aggressive that his new possessions were gone.

They are possessions. He doesn't sit and munch them. He just takes them to his lair and guards them. As I type he is growling at anyone passing as I dropped a slice of lime in the kitchen and he was off with it almost before it hit the ground. We know when he does it. He moves faster and his body is lower to the ground as he takes his swag. I have told my wife and oldest countless times about leaving their bags in the floor but it keeps happening. I would have thought the chewed cards would have been a wake up call. 

Night walks

  

Walking at night brings a calmness that is not there in the day. There are several reasons for that. Mainly its quieter. There is less noise and in the dark less movement. Calm. Closer to sleep time without time anxiety over the long day ahead. More tired, tiredness means less anxious. All round its just a slower less stressful time to walk.

So I have been walking at night to counter the anxiety that is persistent throughout the day at the moment. I need it. If I don't walk late then I don't walk far and soon I don't walk at all. It's not all serene though. Above as you can see it can be menacing also. It's too dark in places, pitch black, and not always free of humans or animals. But those heightened moments are not frequent enough to matter and if I wanted I could take a different route. I don't though. These walks for now are just fine. Just what I need.

Another reason for the late jaunts is to tire myself. I'm not sleeping much of late. I try to push myself in the hope of deep as sleep. All I get though is snatches. Too short and too soon. Over time though I am hoping that doing it constantly will bring about a pattern but deep down know no matter how tired I am the demons still linger. 

Main Street

 

This is the Main Street in my town. Well technically it isn't. For reasons I don't know the town is split into a high and low part. In the high part there is a Main Street which runs through Burnbank and into Hamilton. This street here is names "Glasgow Road" because that is how it used to be. One main road to the major city. This is the bigger and busier road running 10 mile or so to Glasgow city centre via Cambuslang, Rutherglen and all the rest. Each night when I take the dog out it is empty. Not that it is ever bustling but never this dead. There are takeaway shops so people would be in and out of them as well as drivers for deliveries. Pubs with people standing outside smoking. All sorts of things to keeps bodies on the street. Here though there is a solitary car passing through and that in itself is rare. As dark arrives there should be a good volume of traffic in normal circumstances but everywhere is shut. Everywhere is locked down. It is eerie.

I feel a bit privileged to be walking about alone. Again I have to thank the dog for that. He is my license to walk freely and have the town mostly to ourselves. It is great for him as well. He is reactive apparently so the lack of humans and other dogs helps calm him too. I enjoy these times. I walk more than I do in the day because I feel content. I will enjoy that while I can and the dog too. 

Jarred

Little girl, I know how you feel. I feel it too. Battering on the glass trying to smash it to escape. Feeling trapped. Jarred. Just like Wee Jimmy. RIP Big/Wee Jimmy who was found on a Monday morning passed away at the tail end of last year. Been feeling restricted this week. More so that usual. Probably because I have been pushing more than usual just have my face pressed up against the glass with that obscured view of what lies beyond. I remember times like these. I remember I passed beyond them. Patience young, aye right, man!

But God I did try, believe me I did. I went out one night to hear noise echoing side to side. A loudspeaker. Lots of high pitch sounds. Dance music. Walked a bit. Lights. Lots of lights. Tried to capture it but not quite. Got closer. Who's that weirdo from afar with the camera? Jeez, as close as I could get. Face pressed against the cold glass of the jar wanting to get closer, wanting to run home. And that is about the size of it.

Just two pics this week, not much doing. The first my daughter asked me for. Not great and could be a lot better with a bit of time worked on it but I took it as far as my interest and patience would allow. I get a photography magazine every month which always has tutorials for manipulation and also includes people's attempts from previous issues. My daughter saw a girl in the jar in the latter but I didn't have the magazine for a tutorial so had to play around after nodding me he to: Take a picture of me like this dad and at the weekend, if you have the time of course, you could put me in a jar. If only- shouldn't say that. Be careful what you wish for.

And that big old funfair type thing had me intrigued and frustrated at the same time. Wanted to get closer. Just couldn't do it. Not that I couldn't physically get closer, I could, but all the while in my deranged head I was counting the steps and how many more it would take to escape back. You need a right steady hand for those sort of things, not ideal when shaking with panic.

Anyways a better week. On the up I feel. But slowly. And that is OK if I can show some patience and realise I have little choice.



Lastly just one other thing. If you are wondering why the pics of late look so grainy its not the wee old camera- though it does now produce a black spodge in the top corner so has to be cropped. Its the lack of light here. Even in daylight there is not enough natural light. Its not great. It makes for less sharpness and more noise in a little compact. But still no nearer to affording something better. Halfway there but think I'll need to wait until my 50th to make up the rest so making do in between.