A recurring dream about a Maze. Not ghis one above but I suspect its heavily linked. The one in my dream is green and alive. This one was from 3 years ago. That in itself I find strange. In the past 18 months to 2 years time has passed to quickly. Something a year and a half ago feels like 3 months ago. But something 3 years ago feels about 6 years ago. I put it down to a bit of a mental meltdown, breakdown maybe, which saw my slow steady recovery go into reverse and left and floor it back the ways. I'll blog about it some time. Its led to a warping of time and genuine memory problems from that period-- where as I said previously we looked after a cat I have no memory of.
Anyway this Maze here has a lot to do with the recurring dream. It's called the "Murray Star Maze" located in the grounds of Scone Palace where I walked to one morning when visiting in-laws up North. It was a wet cold grey day and I did not know about it until I stumbled upon it. And when I did I had the urge to venture in. At this point I was virtually free of agoraphobia but still hit panic when I was in a situation I could not quickly escape. With this in mind I was in two minds about entering but finally did. Long story short I went in, was reluctant to go far, hot disoriented, got panicky, lost, more panicky, out and relief. No idea how long it lasted but I went from walking around the grounds with my camera calmly to heading home straight away.
And this is the dream. It's not the same place each time and never there but always sunny with blue skies and rich green hedges. I am anxiety free, normal again. No fears. I just go in. And I wonder and I start to get lost and I try yo work it out then I remember what I am. I panic. I run. I clamber and kick and pull. I never escape, I usually wake. I'm not sure what the point is. At a guess it's my mind in slumber trying to resolve that previous panic episode.
2 comments:
I have similar dreams, but mine usually involve public transport. Most of the time I'm not agoraphobic in my dreams but in the ones where I catch a bus or a train, like you, I suddenly remember what I am. It's unnerving.
I can relate to that too. I've had some on planes and like yourself buses where it goes from the old normal to the sudden realisation. It just shows how deep rooted it is and entirely mentally driven. It is unnerving as you say.
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