Companion

 

Walking alone can be monotonous- for everyone. That is why most solo walkers can usually be found talking to someone on their phone or more often listening to music via headphones. I remember Stephen Fry saying once that when he went for long walks he usually listened to an audio book. No on e really likes walking alone generally but it does have its place. Sometimes you just need to clear your head and sort things out. Sometimes not. I love music. That would be my choice if it was a choice. It's not though. I can sit on the sofa and spend hours listening to music. Not outdoors though. It irritates me and agitates me. There is no enjoyment so I don't. 

It goes back to the onset of anxiety in my last job some time ago. For years I listened to music in the car going to work and coming back. I had stacks of CDs. A single journey could take from 45 to 90 minutes but sometimes even up to double the latter so plenty of time. In the last 6 months of work though music started to annoy me in the car to the point I turned it off and listened to the radio. This started as a continual swap until the radio became the norm. Then that bothered me so I swapped the stations I liked for classical music to calm me. It did fof a bit but that became irritating to do then it was talk shows and finally silence.

That hasn't changed. My worst time in the car a few years ago was with the kids music blaring and while they danced about happy I just wanted out the moving car, I wanted to scream. It was like a constant resonating in my nerves driving me to distraction. Walking is no different. I tried it and its not working. Besides that if it worked it would be a crutch and counterproductive to self help. 

Any way with this in mind I decided to take pup with me on my walk today for company. Not a good idea. My walk was shorter than it should have been, my arm was sore from dragging him and instead of burning off any angst I felt charged up with stress. It's not his fault and furthermore the last 10 minutes were a joy. It makes me wonder if I have to tire him out yo get him to settle or if its simply a case of the longer he is out the more used to sounds and movement he gets. I've not written it off completely but got my own development ill have to fly solo most days. That would be a shame longer term given the need for u as both to get out. Its still early days though.