Mixed times continue. Like Pulp fiction and others let me start at the end and work my way back. It was panic of sorts from intense pain. We had been out nearly two hours yesterday and it had been amazing- in my world- but now it had all changed. My wife stopped he car outside Farmfoods and I was getting really annoyed as she messed about trying to park in a stupid little space when there were so empty spaces around her. One of those stupid little things that should not annoy me but does- my wife's OCD. But my annoyance was heightened by the fact I was in agony. My tooth was so sore. Not just my tooth. Its the bottom right molar but its also the top teeth, the cheek bone, the chin, the jaw, the inner ear and especially an acute pain in the temple. I could not cope. I was agitated so told her I was going to walk home. She shrugged but I ended up following her in. We had been to Iceland and they were out of hot dog rolls for the kids' dinner. As it turned out Farmfoods were out too. My wife got in the car and made the short jaunt to Lidl while I walked there. No rolls there either. What is that all about? At least we were done. We could go home. As soon as I got in the door I took 2 Ibruprofen and brushed my teeth vigorously. This pain had been lasting an hour and a half so I knew at that point I had half an hour to an hour still to go. The pain had come on roughly the same time as Monday and Tuesday. There was a pattern as I said in the last post. Still not sure what it is but know there is one.
The pain stuck to form and by the time I arrived at the school to pick up the kids with my wife the pain was gone. Its such a relief when it goes but then I know it will be back. It would be back later and I knew that and it did come back. Twice a day and roughly the same time each day. It got me thinking. I looked back at my notes to find there were only two days when that was not the case- Saturday and Sunday. I slept longer so was it that? No. I don't think so. I think maybe its something else. I think I have been going about this all wrong. The pain is like a sensitivity pain. I remember a long long time ago whenever I got this I got a massive lump of toothpaste on a brush and brushed it hard into the tooth and I kept adding more until the pain eased. And to an extent this is what I have been doing this time- vigorous brushing. But at the weekend I did not brush at all because the teeth had been so sore and I did not want to aggrevate them. I looked up a site about sensitive teeth and it said it was better to use a soft brush and brush lightly. Was I actually causing this to get worse? What really pushed it for me was the teeth themselves were not sore to begin with but after a week have gotten sore and uncomfortable to touch in two different places. I think I have brushed too hard and caused them problems. I may be wrong but for the next few days it will be the gentle approach. The dentist still looms if I am honest but until I am forced these desperate illogical diversions hold my sanity intact.
All this though is not what I wanted to post about. Up until that point of pain it had been a great day and one I never thought I would see. Over the years I have mentioned at times flashbacks. I get these flashbacks of places I have been. They are recognisable even though I have not been in a long time. They are brief and are not of places that brought a fantastic memory or a real desire to return but just a moment of past life.
One set come from a shopping centre in Hamilton. I used to go there all the time with my wife but have not been there in about 13 years, maybe more. I get flashbacks of places like the big Woolworths I know is now gone or picking up a family tree magazine in W H Smith. Little things but no way to return there. Today I did and was very proud. Its a big step forward. My wife drove and we went to the car park at the bus station. This brought memories flooding back. You would not think a car park would do this but its one that you go in via an automatic bar and have to take a ticket and before you leave you need to take your ticket to a machine and pay it in full in order to leave via another bar. All that came flooding back. I had forgotten all about it.
I had, on the off chance, taken my wallet and a cheque with me from a card protection company who paid out the meager sum of £25 when others were getting 3 figures. We went into the bank and I manage with the help of an assistant to deposit the cheque into my account via a cashline- really nifty as it even gives you back a photocopy of your cheque. That was a big thing but getting to the shopping centre was the big challenge. We crossed the busy road towards there. I noticed a pub on the road and the name was familiar. I asked my wife about it. She said I had never been in it but it was a local haunt for her when she worked around the corner. I joked that we could go in for a drink. Why not?, was her reply. Another day maybe.
We walked around the shopping centre. Again so many memories came flooding back. So many places I forgot about. I bought a bacon roll to much while going around and seeing shops I had forgotten about as well as asking my wife if other shops had been there a decade ago. Its a place I thought about so many times and never thought I would get to. No special reason to get there other than because I never thought I would and now I had. It was exciting.
We made our way back to the car. As we passed that pub I said to my wife: let's do it. And so we were in and I was at the bar and bought myself a pint for only the second time in a decade or so. I bought my wife a ginger beer and we sat in the busy little pub. Not once did I feel anxious. It was nice to just sit there, relax and enjoy it. By the time I finished my wife asked if I wanted another. I was so tempted. I felt so nice and relaxed. But I knew I would regret it. I would not go to the school for the kids and I would probably fall asleep while watching the kids at night. We left. I was happy but soon I was wishing I'd had a second beer. As soon as we were outside the cold air must have got to the teeth and the ache started.
It will not be the last time. We will return there and maybe next time it will be by train. We will go other places too. Maybe problems at the moment but I won't let that hold me back. I want to keep pushing on.
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