Explorer

I've probably mentioned it before. I fail to see how I could not have. I mean the town I live in has a famous son and he was an explorer of some repute. And here is me are opposite end an agoraphobic. Two very contrasting people from different times. Today I wanted to get myself into the mind of the explorer. Well actually that is not true. I went out for a walk and at some point decided to just let go and explore regardless of consequence. It was a great feeling at the time but the walk home was a struggle.

I have overdone it this week. I have gone from struggling to do a mile a day to walking more than I have ever walked in one week- over 36 miles. I am nearing a week since I quit smoking and feel I will never return to it but surely this alone has not brought on the change. Not sure. But I am battering in the miles even if I do feel totally shattered for it. Today I went down a place I had been to a long time ago, over 5 years in fact. At that time from a map I thought it may be a mine shaft and worth exploring but it turned out to be a sewer on inspection. To get there I had to get my wife to drive me down to it. This time I went completely on foot.

There is not a lot to say except that I've only just noticed all the photos I have been taking of late have been square and so cropping has really messed them up. I had a good old explore down those woulds and felt free. This time I had no safety net- no wife in a car waiting. This time I pushed on and explored. And I was OK. But like so many times in the past when I decided it was time to head for home that was when the panic started to hit. I realised with over a mile to walk home that my body was exhausted and even though it was cold I had to take off my jacket because I felt agitated. I did get home though and got a good rest. Think I might be pushing too hard though.

That said I am losing fear for sure. I have noticed more and more I am willing to step out of my comfort zone and willing to face the inevitable panic. So far I have managed to keep on top of it. I am not sure I will be exploring Africa anytime soon but I am becoming ever more the explorer.