The Dandy

 

I don't want to make every post about walking but as I've only started getting out again in the last 2 weeks and it's been eventful of late I'll stick with it until there is nothing left to say. I may have to have a rest day though because in the past few days I have really been struggling physically and that invariably causes more anxiety the further I go. Tomorrow I might skip a day if its still a struggle. Then again sometimes when I accept that I get a second wind and back ready to push on again so if that is the case I won't pass it up.

The pic above is from a path named locally as "the Dandy". It apparently relates to the the past layout of the area where at one end the plebs like me resided and following this path led to the big expensive houses where the dandies lived. To the left are council houses and to the right is a big private house which was once a convent hence the high walls. The path actually doubles as a road here as ahead are new builds which a man stopped to tell me one day his daughter lived in and gave 5 rooms, private garage, etc. No road out though apparently which does not surprise me given house builders dont make money providing conveniences like that.

Anyway I am going off track here. I felt really exhausted today and did not want to go out. I pushed out but decided to forget my routes and go elsewhere close at hand. That brought me here. I've not been here in a long time but even as I got here I was already very anxious. I was uncomfortable. That was not the best time to go into somewhere basically enclosed. Panic. The worse so far. Shallow rapid breaths. Weak shaky limbs. Brain spinning like a top. Eyes blurry. Balance all over the place. It felt too far to push on but not to meant doubling back and adding to my journey. That said though adding to my journey also meant getting back to familiar territory quicker. In my mind that was more important. The voice was telling me to do it but I knew also turning back would be my first set back. I pushed on and eventually the anxiety eased. I should also point out when this happens I am suddenly not tired, exhausted, breathless and all the rest. Like I said yesterday though the deepest groove here was the panic not the recovery after.

It shows how much familiarity counts in these early days. Of course you can only do that by visiting places. That is OK. Its just important to see that and work with it. In this case if its going to cause anxiety then do it in stages until confidence increases and then repeat. It's not like that forever though. Just these early days. It is about confidence. Last time just a few years ago I got to a stage where I was fully confident in going anywhere. That needed small cautious steps like this first. I just need to be wise and patient then in time I'll get it back.