Christmas Fayre

The town I live in has each year on the first day of the last month a Christmas Fayre. I've seen it from afar each year and tried to take photos from distance which has been to no avail. In sight but out of touch. Such has been my progress this year that I was not only able to go but spend an hour there- I could have lasted longer but to be honest boredom got the best of me.

I should though first get something out of the way. I know I am not the easiest to live with and if I bring it upon myself then fair enough. The night after Guy Fawkes night I had a fall out with my wife. I say fall out but it was more me losing my temper and her not to talking to me since. Its done and stays done. The point is I am now alone and the truth is this has been happening more and more and things disintegrate further and further. That is life. Maybe I am just one of those people who deals with living better on their own. Since then I am been very much alone but have also made unbelievable progress. I am happier and going places and my family are happy so its for the best.

My plan was to take the kids to the Fayre which would have been a big thing but it turns out their mum was already taking them. Awkward. I had to go and I was not going to let that get in the way of me going even if it was not in the way I hoped. So I went. The Fayre is about 50 stalls or so, burger vans, amusement rides, crowds and lots of loud noise. I won't say I enoyed it. I endured it. A strange thing really. Its not something I would actually have gone to if I was not the way I am. I would have avoided it like the plague years ago but I felt I had to do it.

I am glad though I did. The photo above is from a stage of people singing carols. They asked for volunteers and as I watched on I noticed my two daughters up on the stage. I stood alone on the periphery. Took some shots and eventually pushed through the throng to get more but nothing of note. The good thing is my daughters saw me. They knew I was there. They knew this year I was not sat at home while they were out having a good time. They shouted to me. They saw me there. And that means a lot. They saw me when I went through everyone and right up to the stage to take some photographs not caring whether the crowd behind me could see or not.

I felt I had achieved something. I stood and wandered around that place in the cold on my own for an hour and as I said above it was just really boredom that sent me home packing in the end. But I did it. And that is something. I feel I am moving in the right direction. And if I keep moving in this direction I can start to take control of all aspects of my life and do the best for everyone. That is all I want.