The Doctors

What a day. Got up covered in sweat yet again and feeling like a 100 year old with aching body and short on balance. I've been ill the past few days which happens this time of year but today a little better and that is something. Not great but better so hopefully a change of wind. Incredible day though.

It started with the school run which I have not done first thing in the morning for over a month. Feeling dodgy I was glad just to get through it. That is something. There was a time when it would not have happened after a few days lay off so to get one out the way was good for the confidence. We brought the youngest girl back with us because my wife was taking her to the medical centre for the child clinic owing to a suspected throat infection. I decided to go up in the car with them and once there decided to go in- for a little bit. I had no intention of staying the duration. We were there 15 minutes before it started, there were a number of people in the room and it was a first come first serve basis- turns out we were fifth in line. No way I was staying for that. The longer I sat though the more I started to build resolve to stay. It was not easy battling with the urge to flee. But I stayed. 20 minutes and as they were called I was about to head outside for some air when I suddenly got a different urge. I went with them. For the first time in over a decade I found myself in a doctor's room for a visit- not my visit. I was rigid. It was not easy at all but it was quick. Pity it was with a nippy doctor. She did not recognise not acknowledge me but I remember her as the one who dismissed my anxiety and refused to explain what palpatations were when I said I did not know at the time. Time had not mellowed her. She lectured my wife for not giving my daughter paracetamol for 3 days before bringing her in. But how is her throat, my wife asked. Extremely inflamed, she answered. Well? Give her paracetamol and if it gets worse then phone for an antibiotic. When my daughter gets a bad infection she screams the place down in pain, is distressed and on top of that an antibiotic takes time to work. Why not give her one there and then if its "extremely inflamed"?

From there we took the youngest to school. Into the foyer and finally back home. From there it was non-stop. The cupboard needed a clean out and on top of that I needed to fit in a long walk. Once we had the living room piled with stuff sorted out we took the rubbish to the tip. This almost ended before it began. I had an old microwave in a box and was carrying it down the stairs when I stood on a litter bag that had been left there and went crashing down the stairs on my back with a heavy microwave landing on my chest and my left leg bent behind me. For a second or so I was in sheet panic. There was no pain but I knew there would be as soon as I moved. I feared it would be bad and something had happened that would require medical attention. It was just sheer panic. Thankfully though I was battered and bruised but that was it. It will no doubt hurt more tomorrow but we got everything we managed to do and in and around it I managed to walk 5 miles.

On top of all that I managed to go to the supermarket and buy something I needed using the self service. That is a god send but even at that I could not have used it last year or the many years before. The first time I used it was for fireworks which turned out to be more complicated than I ever imagined and a panic fest. This time though it was no problem at all.

A very good day by my low standards. Progress. Step by little step moving forward and back into the world. Dipping my toe back into normality. Long may it continue.