Fin: Atos saga ends

Fin, as the French say- or at least at the end of their films. Finally its all over. A long anxiety inducing wait ends in the way I was not expecting. Finally I feel I can breath.

It all started over a year ago when 2013 arrived and a letter from AtoS with it summoning me to a medical. A medical I was never asked to attend and instead from the answers I had given in the self assessment it was deemed I was fit for work. Not exactly raring to go. This was despite my GP saying I could not work, me saying the same and AtoS just not bothering to listen- as has been reported so many times in the tabloids. So started the process of appeal. In this I am very thankful for having a local council service, Money Matters, to aid and represent me. The appeal started in June 2013. A long wait. In the meantime the Job Centre saw fit to ignore the appeal, which they are entitled to do, and carry on regardless telling me to attend a work focused interview or my money would be stopped. Again though I have to be thankful the lady from the job centre was very understanding. Not only did she allow this first interview to be done over the phone but the next one too which is scheduled for two days time.

That is how it remained in 2013 until 2 weeks ago when I recieved a letter from the court telling me my appeal would be heard of 10th February. In this I would be represented as I could not attend. I was told by the man representing me that I had only a "slim chance" and that chance would be better if I would allow the panel to visit me in person. Even though it increased my chances I decided against it. I was in all honesty resigned to losing the appeal so I saw no point in putting myself through that just for the sake of it. I am not good at those kind of things. My wife gets frustrated. She says I am not honest enough and make things out to be better than they are. Almost enthusiastic. Its true. I find it hard to admit my weaknesses to people even when its important I should do. Its in my upbringing. Also though its because I feel I cannot admit it fully to myself or I may crumble so I try to stay positive and maybe that is to my detriment. The second job centre interview is an example. I cannot go and attend it and yet I felt compelled to tell the lady I would try believing somewhere in my head it would be possible even though rationally I knew it was not- not yet.

It wasn't though just this which put me off a home visit. I have ready countless cases of people losing their appeal with bigger problems than I have. The newspaper last week carried an article chronicling a handful of people who had been turned down with real problems. One blind, one with cancer, one with a tumor and one who's had a serious heart attack. Real problems and yet these people are being told they are fit to work. Its a shocking state of affairs. And these are the people considered by some in society to be benefit scroungers. There are a lot who are not but I also know there are alot who are. Where I live there are a good number of people who have never worked and have no intention of working. I know of one guy who was claiming benefits and working some place up the road- I know because he told me he could get me a job there. There are people cheating the system and by all means put something in place to weed them out but do it with some sort of common sense. Last week I was speaking to a lady online who was distraught after losing her ESA appeal. She suffers from chronic pain which at times can be extreme. She had to go through firstly the humilation of the medical and then a second humiliation at the court for her appeal. She was made to wait for an hour and then when seen was asked all manner of degrading questions like toilet habits and things then the appeal was refused. Here is a thing someone else told me but whether its true or not I don't know. He said he was asked if he'd had a cuppa that morning and when he said he had he was then asked whether he made it himself. This was in order to illustrate he could function and so could basically work.

Anyway on Saturday the letter came through 6 days after the appeal hearing and I did not open them until this morning. It turns out the man representing me called on Friday but I did not get the call until the following day because our BT line is up and down like a yo yo. I had to wait until night time to listen to the message he had left just wanting to get it over with and thinking back to how he didn't hold out much hope. I really could not believe it when he said the appeal was a success. Just unbelievable. Its like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can breathe easier. I want to work and I know the best way to get back working but just don't know how long it will take or if I will get there- I do hope so though. I also though know for sure the wrong way and taking someone who cannot swim and throwing them into the water is not it. Gradually. Its a confidence building thing. I see in so many other things this is how I have progressed and getting back into employment requires the same strategy. I am hoping this decision gives me the best chance of doing that.

I'm really not sure what it all means. I just know the threat for now is over and its time to get working hard again on my recovery. I do genuinely feel though for all those people going through this process who are more deserving than myself. I have been lucky not only in the final decision but also with not having to be put through the stress of a medical and appeal hearing. A lot of people are not so lucky and a lot of people do as they are asked and are still refused. A lot of people really do not deserve this pressure put on them which I have been very lucky to avoid.