Return to the scene

2006. I have blogged about it many times so won't bore any readers with the same story again. In short my wife needed an operation on her wrist. The plan was rather than paying for a taxi she would drive out and I would bring the car home and then later pick her up again. She drove out as planned with me as passenger. There were no car parking spaces so we had to stop, she quickly got out and I got into the passenger seat. As she waved and made her way into hospital I drove off and was almost immediately hit with a full blown panic attack. An attack like nothing I have experienced since, or before, that lasted the whole 6 miles home until my town came in to view. From that point on I was agoraphoic. Attempts to drive my daughter to nursery thereafter got so difficult that within a week just getting into the car brought on a panic attack and I stopped altoghter.

Today I returned to the scene for the first time since that day. Over Christmas my youngest daughter jumped on the oldest daughter's foot and the injured girl had to go to A&E. Soft tissue damage was the verdict and crutches were issued. So today my wife and I went out there to return the crutches. Anxiety was as high as expected and as much as I wanted to get it over with when we stopped outside A&E and my wife got out to take the crutches back I got out and said I would do it. It was important. I must banish the demons. So I did. I went into the waiting room and sat for a few minutes with the other people. When I finally felt calmer I realised I did not need to wait and so I went up to the reception and handed the crutches back. It doesn't sound much but believe me its a big thing for me. A monkey off my back.