Wish

They say be careful what you wish for. I wished for a proper summer, I was no alone and now we have it. I am melting. We are all melting.

But I am not complaining. Apart from the hit my walks have taken because is so much more difficult trying to get far in baking heat it has been all good. Even just sitting out is good. UV rays my skin has missed and needed are back and the spirit soars with it. Good also for visits because we are not confined to many in a small room but outside where its less claustrophobic. Yesterday it was my youngest daughter's birthday and we sat out the whole day. Well the adults did. The kids for some reason disappeared indoors to play the Wii for most of the time.

And finally I have the decision of my appeal against ATOS's decision to declare me fit for work. What is that decision? I still don't know. It arrived this morning and the letter sits in a pile unopened. It won't be opened in the daylight hours. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. I know the answer so I am putting it off because I know it will lead to a bout of desperate panic. I put everything off until tomorrow and therein lies my problem. I can't seem to face up to it- I cannot still face the panic.

Its been a strange old week. Most of it has been spent alone while the family were down South for a good few days at a wedding. The wife and boy came back first and the girls arrived back yesterday. So its back to a full home and long days and long weeks ahead. I am trying to work harder with the CBT. I can feel myself starting to slip back. And the problem also with the holidays is I start to stay up later and later but don't rise any later and so fatigue slowly builds which in this heat is no good.

But enough moaning. A short little post from the dull confines of this room before heading out into the sunlight- hopefully a metaphor for something.