Archeologist

One in a million. What do you make of that? Its a good things, the majority would say. I am no different. But somewhere in the back of my mind cogs start to turn. One in a million. An estimated seven billion people on the planet. So really you are no different from seven thousand others. American million is different from a British million. Isn't it? Apparently not. Apparently its the same. Maybe its in relation to millionaire. Off my mind goes on a tangent, off my fingers go on google. At some point I have to step in and say: STOP! OK its stopped. But very soon it will be away processing again.

What this constant process does is tire the mind. Its constantly clogged with on-going processing which doesn't leave much CPU for anything else. Its also distracting. It can pull you in. You get dragged in there and pull out answers and ask more questions. Introspection.

Most people spend most of their time thinking at the surface level. I spend most of my own much deeper than that. If you think of the surface level being the real world then that is where most people live. Not me. I am the archeologist constantly digging under the surface looking for my next gem (of information). A metaphorical workaholic digging deeper and deeper below. Reside there and not in the real world makes the real world a strange scary place. Its an uncomfortable place. While on a dig for days or weeks or maybe even months I can find myself dragged back to the surface to participate in the real world with visits and going out and its difficult to adjust. I panic. I feel very uncomfortable. And as dark and lonely as the beneath is I crave to get back there. So much so I am overwhelmed by the urge to escape.

This is how I see it. But its not bad. Not if you can see it. And not if you believe there is a way that may lead to less digging and more time spend in the real world. Stop digging, you say. Yes. That is indeed it. It is though easier said than done. The concious effort to stop is a very temporary thing and its tiring in itself to keep doing that and to be honest near impossible to keep up. Mindfulness. That is I believe the way to do it. Actively being more mindful. Its something I need to try. Mindfulness and dealing with problems instead of letting them linger- something I have mentioned before. Two things. My resolutions for 2013. I hope I have made my last dig or at least now start to tunnel back up to the surface.