Its 48 hours later and still I feel terrible. All my own doing. My body is not used to alcohol and fresh air but I still didn't think it would be a problem. Every second Friday my wife and I go to a pub and have one drink. Its our time. Time we missed out on in the last decade. Nothing much but just a little something. And very occasionally I have been somewhere else in the past couple of years where I have had a beer or two. The Gala day last year for example and sometimes when out we drop off at a pub restaurant which is lovely, relax and child friendly. Never more than a pint. On Sunday I had six and I can safely say never again. I got in about 19:00 and slept until midnight. I was then up for about an hour, slept until morning, took the kids to school and when I came home went back to bed again and slept into the afternoon. That is something I never do. I will say up to that point I had not been getting a lot of sleep so that was a factor but only a small factor.
The reason for all this was a communion party we were all invited to. My wife and family went to church but for the first time ever as a family we attended the part after together. Not without a great deal of anxiety I might add because it was not local and in a place I had never been before. I had in my mind visions of a small room and people squashed into seats and lots of loud noise and too much anxiety to handle. Thankfully that was not the case but until I knew that it was the factor driving my anxiety through the roof.
Then came a realisation. What to where? I owned no shoes and nor did I have suitable trousers- just denims and an old pair of trousers my wife keeps trying to bin and I keep rescuing. So we had to go to the supermarket first and get said items. You would think that would be simple. We came back, the trousers were too short, we returned with a long pair and it turned out they were too short too as they had been put on the wrong hanger and I forgot to check. So my wife went back for a third time. Strange the things you never think of. It was over a decade since I had last worn a pair of shoes and I had never since bought any as there was no need. Now I am sorted.
No matter what lay ahead I knew I was in for a hard time and that was just going to be the way of it. I knew I would panic. It was going to happen. There was no avoiding it. Doing something for the first time in a very long time means apprehension and adrenaline and so panic. Two things were important. If it was too much then my wife had agreed to drive me home knowing the kids would be fine where they were until she returned. That was the last resort. The most important thing was to accept the fact I would panic, allow the adrenaline to do its thing and lastly wait it out for 20-30 minutes. So that is what I did but it really was more of a struggle than I can put into words.
We drew up to the pub and it looked rough judging my the characters outside. Thankfully though the party was in the function suite. We went in and that was when the alarm bells started ringing and kept ringing. The bar was right in front of us. Lines of tables. Thankfully not too busy. Immediately I told my wife I needed to sit near the door to begin with. It was needed. ideally I'd have gone and sat as far away from the exit as possible but I really think it would have tipped me over the edge so I tried to be wise. I sat there with a beer but not drinking much of it. Adrenaline was making me shake and sweat too much. I took small sips. Mostly I was clawing at my myself and at other times wringing my hands which I tend to do when in panic. These, my wife says, are the only visible signs she sees. I stayed at it. I would like to say it then hit zero and I was fine but it didn't. Unlike at the beach it stayed at a fairly high level for half an hour then got better but never ever went. So I slowly drank my beer and then had another and then I was moving about freely taking photos from the far side of the room- that is also where the toilets were too. In time I was fine but alcohol will do that.
I do feel though that I had calmed enough not to consider the alcohol a crutch in that situation. And in actual fact when we went to leave I'd had three pints and felt fine. But then another couple arrived and more drinks were bought and although I still felt fine that is the point where I would pay later. In fact I am still paying now. Everything has a purpose and this hangover will remind me not to do that again in a hurry. Still though it was an achievement and another first to add to the list.
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