Long Weekend

It has been a long weekend but a good one. The weekend is usually a quiet affair where we all chill for a bit before the start of the new week. Not this weekend though and for me it all started on  Friday. Or maybe it continued into Friday and then weekend given I had gone to the school sports day on Thursday.

On Friday I decided to go deeper into woodland than I had ever been to see something for myself. The photo above was taken back in may and included in a post named "Adventuring". In that post for the first time I made my way down from this spot to the viaduct which can be seen in the background- one pillar at least. I did make it down there two months ago but could not actually see the pillars clearly due to vegetation and I was so knackered and anxious by then I had no wish to climb down to water level. Besides that my only escape as opposed to heading back was a private field. I see this scene at least 2 or 3 times a week and three or four weeks after this photo I thought something looked odd. On inspection I could not see the pillar anymore but was not sure if it was just obscured by growing vegetation. I let it go but shortly after that I read online that it had actually collapsed and so decided I would one day go down and have a look.

That day was Friday as illustrated above. It would appear the pillar had collapsed onto my side of the bank and I was actually able to stand on those big stones. The base is still jutting out the water. Its really strange though how this has happened. This is the Craighead viaduct. Some of the pillars at the Greenhall viaduct I visited in November are in water and they are so wide its hard to believe they could just crumble like that. I went, I saw, I took the photo and all that was left was to panic. And panic I did. But I did not feel. I have been telling myself this is going to keep happening and its OK because I am not reacting to it. I am not being driven away quickly by it. I took my time and instead of doubling back I went through a private field. This was significant. It meant the route was a circuit. About two years ago I sat down at google maps and devised a number of different walks I wanted to do. They ranged from the possible to the impossible. This circuit was not just one of them but the last one. Walks I thought I would never be able to do I had done entirely and now seems like a good time to make a new list and again make them look impossible.

It had therefore been  very good week. The anxiety from sports day and the fatigue from all the walking had me feeling shattered when I got up on Saturday. Normally it would not bother me that the wind and rain outside looked uninviting because ususally on  Saturday I would have no need to go out. In the afternoon though I found myself regretting my new found enthusiasm and willingness to agree. I had agreed to go to the village fete. Not only was I shattered but I had in my head stalls outside and the freedom to escape when I wanted and walk home. That was there but first I had to go into church with my family and then had to go upstairs and finally stand for 10 minutes while a ceremony took place. Guest of honour was X-Factor contestant Nicholas McDonald who my oldest adores and with her sister would later get photos taken with. For me it was again panic at this point but I allowed it to be and then finally it died down as we were leaving. That was until we found ourselves at the top of stairs  and nothing moving. It seemed to go on forever and I could feel the adrenaline pumping. That really was difficult to accept. I seemed to be too close to the people in front and could feel people pushing into the back of me and as  I looked it was just people standing on the stairs, coming from the side of the stairs, all the way along the corridor where stalls had been placed made the space for movement even tighter. It died down and finally I was out.

It was a shame for the organisers. The weather was shocking and we did well to stay as long as we did which was about an hour and a half. When it came time to leave I decided to walk home despite the weather. I had never walked as far as the old parish church so it seemed to me a good idea to walk it home and let myself know it could be done. So that is what I did.

Sunday started when I opened the curtains in the living room after getting up to find my inlaws car outside waiting. My inlaws stayed for most of the day and in between that my dad also visited. It is easy to forget how bad things used to be when even a flying visit was an ordeal. Its very easy to forgot when a problem returns to normality how it was before. All this was good enough but the highlight from an exposure point of view was dinner at a restuarant with the family and in-laws. As luck would have it I also had a sore throat so ate nothing which was a real pity because the food looked lovely. It was though more about being there. It wasn't just the throat but also some sore teeth. To be honest I have had nothing but problems since I stopped smoking in March but at least I have stopped and hopefully these problems will iron themselves out in time.

The meal was filled with panic but by the end I was fine. When the food was all done and the kids were ordering ice cream I had no urge to flee. I knew I could relax a bit. It was though a long day, a long weekend and to be honest a long week. Its now Monday and already I have had  long walk but must take it easier this week before I burn myself out again. Things all heading though in the right direction.