Friends

 

I have one friend in particular, who strangely is not in the above lineup despite being part of that lot, who reaches out now and again. He has done for years. I do feel blessed to have good friends despite not seeing them often. This one though goes above and beyond despite being a very popular guy with a huge group of friends in all walks of life. He contacted me out the blue today a while back just to see how things were going. That is the kind of guy he is.

I'm also lucky in that despite heading to my 53rd birthday at the end of the year all my friends are still around. One nearly wasn't and he is pictured above. Thankfully despite small odds he pulled through his particular illness and appears to be on the mend. He is the oldest and has has his landmark birthday like we all have. I'm second in line. I do hope at some point we can all meet up. I do miss it but did get a taste a few years ago. 

From a long time of not being able to leave town I progressed and at one point on a New Years day when we had planned to have a family meal I found myself 30 miles away in a pub with old friends I had not seen for 15 years. To add to that quite by chance a girl we all new from Primary School stumbled in with friends to make it an even better night. It was fantastic- almost. The only downside was my lack of confidence. My wife kindly hung about. She went away in the car for over an hour with the kids to McDonalds to waste some time but when she came back they had to hang about. One of my friends said she and the kids could come in because he knew the staff but she didn't want to. As much as I wanted to stay out all night I had to cut it short because of the guilt. They all stayed on and I was away home but very happy for that moment in time I had longed.

Anyway I met up with two of my pals a month or so later and that was it. Never again. In times since I have been part of the group chat for meet ups. In the beginning I would decline making up excuses as my anxiety was back and growing. Then I got to the point where I stopped even replying because it was accepted that I was not going. Then the messages stopped and I assume a new group chat started and I was not invited. For some time now I have lost all contact as I came off all social media. I would like to get that all back. I get it. If the roles were reversed I would be saying: "There is only so much you can do." People cannot keep trying when there is nothing in response. I get that. I wish it were different but I take some heart from being here before and getting to that night I never thought would ever come. It can happen again. 

The image above was from a time long gone. For £50 each the 4 of us got a train to Northern Ireland, stayed for 5 days and returned. Quite incredible when you think about it. It was a great holiday with lots of tales to tell after. It was a time where I did not have to think about travelling, I just did it. Livingston to Stranraer to Larne to Coleraine to Port Rush. I think, it was a long time ago. At some point we were in Belfast I am sure on a bus and I remember looking at it and thinking how much it looked like Glasgow. Sketchy memories but stories after to talk about for years after. I miss that.

I still push on in my goal to eventually get there. Unfortunately where I am improving mentally I am struggling physically at the moment. Some problem with my knee has me hobbling where I was walking but the last couple of weeks it has been improving- I think. I can't go and get it looked at unfortunately so I have to work around it as best as I can. Its just one of those things I suppose. But as a result I have not walked very far the past couple of months. I plan tomorrow to start pushing it regardless. I need to get out and need to push myself out as far as I can. And if I do that regardless of how my body holds up I will get there in time. It needs patience and a bit of drive. I have been lacking that of late so hopefully in future posts I can shed a more positive light on these things. 

Tor!

 

As much as I love my Kindle and the benefits that it brings I do love now and again to pick up a book. This is only my second book in the past few years. The last was a forgettable work of fiction based on Bible John lent to me by my father in law. He enjoyed it but it wasn't for me. Still like 99% of books I start I pushed myself through to the end. This book is more up my street. It was a book I have been meaning to buy for years without getting around to doing it. Knowing this my brother mailed me a copy when he was getting books for himself from an online charity store. Just as well as the dog has taken a few bites out of it. I used to pride myself in keeping all my books pristine growing up but gave up when they got borrowed and wrecked by various people. Luckily this one is hardback or the dog may have left little for me to mentally digest.

There is no doubt E-readers have their benefits. Storage is a major thing. I have a loft full of books that were, as I said, in pristine condition but if I could ever get through the junk in the cupboard to get up there I will likely find they are water damaged now. Much better to have them all stored away easily accessible. But still you can't get the smell of an old book shop when you shop online. When listening to music I do at times miss hearing the sound when the stylus hits the vinyl. Nostalgia can be found in many forms. I'm feeling nostalgic at the moment. Its an opportunity to take a break from everything that runs on electricity and sit with a book and a cuppa and relax.

Outside there is very little change but enough to feel some slight optimism. It hasn't affected me bu at the weekend my wife took the kids up North for the day to see her dad for the first time since the outbreak started. Still socially distanced and still too soon to stay overnight so she had to do the 120 mile round trip in a day. Also of great excitement to the kids was their first McDonalds in a very long time- first take away actually. This is a bit like how it should be. Not the virus of course but this appreciation of things that we used to take for granted. I have said numerous times that the kids get take aways too often to the point they don't enjoy it as much nor appreciate it. Growing up my friends and I had to get a bus into Edinburgh to get a McDonalds. We never saw a KFC or Burger King. Growing up in a new town we had a Chinese take away, an Indian takeaway and a few chip shops. None were delivery so we had to pick up on the few occassions we got one. And because of that we really appreciated them, not like now. And the other thing about it was we got whatever my parents were choosing. With the kids I have seen my wife go to two different take aways to stop arguements. Yet that does all seem so long ago. I just wonder how long it will be before that is commonplace again.

One last thing, a small thing. When my panic hit hard for the first time and I was basically housebound for the begining it made me reflect on a lot of things. It made me think about the way I had (mis)treated people, my attitude, regrets, things I missed, my well being and so much more. In a strange way it possibly made me a better person even if I was not in a position to show that. And I wonder if this break in play for the world will make many others do the same while sitting indoors stuck unable to do the things they once could do. I hope so.