I can hear music

 

Sometimes the smallest things to others are the biggest things to me. I was on my daily walk today minding my own business when I passed a jogger as happens some times. I noted the ear buds. Or is it air pods. The terminology escapes me in much the same way as earphones and headphones does. Anyway it got me thinking: when was the last time I listened to music outside? I really couldn't say. I am talking about personally rather than in a pub or the like or in the car. Just something I chose to listen too. And I reckon it was 2006 at least. Maybe even longer. 15 years. Incredible.

So I went into my pocket and pulled out a cheap pair of earphones that came with the phone, not the ones above which are there only as a representation of the title. I carry these because the speaker has broke on my phone and even loudspeaker is hard to hear. So if I make or take a call while out I use these. They are poor but serve their purpose. I put them in then looked to see if I had any downloaded music on my phone as I do not have a data plan that allows me to stream outside. One song: "Enola Gay" by OMD. No idea how it got there. So I listened. It wasn't the joy I hoped for but that is nothing to so with the song. In fact much like the reason I stopped listening to music outdoors I felt agitated by it so turned it off. Shame really but maybe an indicator sometime down the line of wellness. Maybe some day I'll go out for a long walk listening to music and enjoying it. Maybe an audio book first and then maybe some classic and finally my own music. I can't help think though as soon as the music played I was reliving being in that car again in the daily angst filled journey to and from work. Maybe perseverance is required. I did after all not even make it past a 3 minute song. 

We are all at least spending a bit more time out doors at the moment. On sunny days we can sit outside for a bit to feel the heat on our skin and the air brush past. In those times its hard to see that we are living in cells. There are more people passing that there were. I think mentally people need to get out as long as they keep to themselves. 

Tablet

Mixed emotions. Part guilt, part...something else. Brain is not working today as it should. Things are there just out of my line of vision or the tip of my tongue but just can't grasp them. You know when you feel you are in the right. What do you call that? I can't for the life of me remember and I can't be bothered doing a Google search or accessing a thesaurus but a bit of that and a bit of guilt.

To do with tablets. Not the kind you swallow, though they are so small these things you maybe could at a stretch- don't try it at home though, but the electronic type. To cut a long story short we took out a mobile phone contract as my wife's contract is coming to an end. From that my wife recieved a new phone she loves, the oldest child got her old phone and we also got a free tablet- a Nexus 7. Great. I've been trying to move away from laptop. I have it on constantly mainly because it takes to long to boot up and shut down I cannot be bothered with the wait. So an opportunity to cut the laptop out and only access the web and other things when I need to rather than as my wife says "a third arm."

My wife though had other ideas. She thought the kids should get it as a joint additional present. Why an additional present annoyed me is another story but sticking with the tablet I dug my heels in. Very simple. Its an expensive bit of kit, the kids really wouldn't appreciate it and I think very quickly it would come to some harm. Those were my reasons. Additionally I could use it and it would mean if in the coming year I could go places it would give me access to something. So as a compromise I get to keep it and we got the oldest a cheap, £50, tablet which incidentally she loves.

Guilt. Since this decision I have felt very guilty indeed. Turns out my 7 year old daughter's friend recieved a £180 tablet for Christmas. One nephew recieved the Nexus 7, he is 9 years old. And on top of that two of the kids' cousins recieved Ipads for Christmas- 7 years old and 12 years old. I'm quite amazed to be honest. I feel like a real scrouge. But I also still feel I was right. I mean would a 7 year old or even a 9 year really appreciate what they have in their hands? Would they treat it with care? I know my kids have all dropped the laptop at one stage or another and it has withstood it but a tablet is more fragile.

I just don't know. Still have mixed emotions. I think its spoiling kids if I am honest. How much is an Ipad? Jeez. And that is not the only present they get. My kids as a consequence don't appreciate things. They don't seem to care if things break. Why should they? They are young. Kids drop things. That is the way it is. That is why many kids' toys manufacturer's who actually produce for those age groups make things robust and drop proof. I wouldn't want the guilt I feel shifted on to them were they to break it accidently or something else that causes it stop working like spilling a drink over it.

My family are still up North. My wife called last night and told me the oldest has lost her tablet. Apparently its in the house somewhere. In my mind the race is on. If its lost then it could be anywhere. I doubt its stolen but it could be somewhere where someone may sit, stand or throw something down which smashes it. It is all screen after all. They are coming back home today. My wife called earlier to say they still can't find it and have turned the house upside down. As I said mixed emotions. The thing that worries me is that my wife's way of thinking is not too far removed from that of the kids. In her head I think she will just accept it and look to give our daughter our tablet as a replacement.

Anyway. Our one came 3 weeks ago and has all this time been sitting in its box. When they left I decided to get it out. I'll be honest- I am not overly impressed. To me its just a big phone that doesn't make calls. I really do not see the fascination. It is handy, don't get me wrong, for web access and some apps but on the whole no more handy than a modern mobile phone.

So its not that I want it more than the kids or the oldest. Its about what is right. Its about responsibility. Its about what is right- in my mind at least. That is the what is really bothering me though. Am I right? Is it subjective? I think its too much cost for kids who I believe cannot at that age appreciate the gift and nor ready for the responsibility of using such expensive equipment. On the other hand I seem to be in the minority given how many other parents are buying these things for their kids.

There is a real peer pressure too. My kids still believe in santa. I don't want them thinking there is something wrong when their friends are all getting these things from Santa and they are not. I could go on. Its principle. We have a tablet there that we could give but just because we can doesn't mean we should. I have never been able to conform. Maybe that is part of my problem. It always seems to cause me angst.