Groundhog Day

I seem to have found myself in an endless loop going back to the middle of August in relation to having panic attacks at home. There is a pattern to it mostly but it does occasionally deviate depending on intensity and outside factors. At its most basic level though I wake, at some point a daily situation arises that causes panic, I go through it and then I am fine for the rest of the day. I sleep and the next day I go through it all again. Loosely that is it. I could add in more. The bit about I panic, go through and I am fine happens but more often that not that happens two times or sometimes three. Also just as a filler from waking to the first panic is apprehension over the incoming panic- anticipatory anxiety. Ironically it is this apprehension which actually causes the feared outcome and then it happens again sometimes and finally some how it stops- the body no longer fears danger so no longer sets off fight or flight. And that is how it should work for recovery. This is the process. But that should be it from start to finish and then at the end there should be no fear so no panic to come. Instead though I wake and I am back at the start again.

So it is very much like Groundhog day in that respect. It is tiring. In time it will pass but right now I feel so drained by it. And although it will pass it won't be overnight. It will take time. It will probably take months. It is not a case of overcoming it but getting used to it because it is a daily thing and when I am used to it then it holds less fear and so stops happening. That is the theory at least but from here it looks a long way off in the distance.