Sometime at the start of the month my wife and I were walking to the school to pick up the kids when she talked about a short holiday offer she'd read about. Its a sign of the changing times that these things are even mentioned nowadays. Still though my initial thought was: no, no and no again. I mean I've been out overnight once and that was a year ago. Not only was it close to home but was a bit of a disaster as I got no sleep and felt ill after it. A break of more than a night was too soon. Three nights: no chance. But I jumped the gun. My wife put it another way. Although I'd be further from home I'd be near the sea which seems to calm me. Also it would be a caravan so I would not be as trapped as I would be in a hotel- especially if up a few floors. And the more she talked the more it appealed. Still though there is that little protective voice which always tells me not to commit or I will regret it. £89 for a caravan for 3 nights. Lets do it? A family holiday of sorts.
I wish now I had written the introduction to this post before I left but I was not sure if I would go nor if I would stay and to be honest did not want to think about it. Now that its done I cannot relive how nervous anticipation and dread I felt. There was always going to be panic and there was but strangely not in the way I thought. We were booked into the Caravan Park from Friday (16:00) to Monday (10:00). The first and only panic came from 10:00 onward on the Monday. That is when we all woke. That is when we had a bad rush to get ready, together and out. And in the car as we left I struggled to keep the panic from blowing. But I did keep it down which is something.
On the Friday when we arrived I was calm and feeling no or little anxiety. Even on the journey to Ayrshire all the anticipatory anxiety had washed away. All the fears of whether I could or could not stay one night never mind three had vanished. Even when we arrived at 14:00 and only found out then that we could not get the keys until 16:00 I was fine. We used that time for a walk and a bit of exploring. We found there was a little footbridge over the railway from the park and straight to the beach. Not the kind of beach you would spend must time but enough for me to sit and watch the waves when I felt like it. That helped. Before we arrived I had visions in my head of getting dressed in the morning and going for a walk down there on my own before the kids got up. All had fallen into place.
All good except for the weather- typical Scotland. Friday was OK, Saturday was mixed and Sunday it rained it all day. So Sunday we did very little expect a small drive. Saturday though we spent most of the day at Largs which was good. We had been there in April but this time there was no rush. When it was nice it was nice but frequent showers spoiled things. And so did those bloody seagulls. My wife bought the kids food from the chip shop and they sat on a bench looking out to the sea and the sun was out and all was well in the world. I was taking photos when a scream made me look up in time to see a seagull fly off from the boy. Not only had it taken his sausage and given him a hell of a fright but left a big scratch down the side of his face. They were horrendous to be honest. Its the most aggressive I have seen seagulls fighting for any bit of food dropped. That though was a good day regardless. I did though chicken out of one thing which I regret now as its the first thing I have said no to in a while. I had agreed to go from there on the ferry to Millport which takes no more than 10 minutes. I was still up for that. But I thought that would be it. I thought we would go over, look about and then come back. It was when my wife mentions waiting about for a bus when over there and then taking it into the centre that I started to worry. I still have that problem with being trapped. I had to decline.
That failure though is only temporary. I have made a promise to myself I will do it and told my wife that. Before I can I need to start getting on longer journeys here by bus and/or train. I need to remove that fear here with repetitive exposure. That is something I plan to do. It makes no sense that I can go a 2 hour journey in the car but cannot do the 20 minute train journey.
Another step forward taken then. Unlike the hotel where I had 1 sleepness night I had 3 peaceful nights in the caravan with no trouble dropping off. I did not have that trapped feeling when I shut my eyes and nor did I have the restlessness that comes with it. Its a step and the next step will be somewhere further away. Or it may just be a step to doing this sort of thing regardless of where it is. Its the first proper family holiday since all 3 kids were born. And it might not have been much when I look at families going to Florida for 2 weeks or wherever else but there was a genuine excitement among the kids. I feel this one holiday was appreciated more than if they had been going abroad every year. That said the girls are off to Italy for a week in a couple of weeks time and given the choice I am sure which one they would prefer. Maybe some day...
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