Battery

A place nearby I have been wanting to return to for a while. An urban area I went to back in June for the first time which had been regenerated. There was a little lake and lots of dragonflies. Since then I found out there was also an old abandoned AA battery for the last war. So yesterday as a family we all went down there. It as good to get out as a family. Good for the kids. Most of the time my wife and I are getting out is when the kids are at school. For me that was vital in the early days and to some places still a requirement but taking the kids along is a sign of progress. Its the place I want to get to. What is the point of going out in future if they cannot come along? Its important for them. All their lives I have been absent outside the home and so any time I am out with them its a bit of a normality they should have.

We made our way to the AA battery first which was bigger than I thought it would be. The once grey walls are now grimy and painted with graffiti now but you still get the feel for what was there and it was hard to think it was occupied with people waiting to shoot enemy aircraft out of the sky on their way to bomb Glasgow seventy years ago.

That was all I planned to do. That was enough for me. Stretching in all directions though were different walks through woodland. Strangely by the time we'd been around the battery I felt calmer and felt I could go for a walk. I was glad. I would have hated to just head straight back home. The kids wanted to stay out so for me to head back would have been a disappointment for them. But if I was panicking there would have been no choice. Here again is the fear. What is allowing me out further and for longer is not recovery really. Recovery lies in losing the fear of panic. Its just that for whatever reason panic is not coming as frequently or as intensely and as a result I am able to cope better but the threat remains and while there is a threat I am not really moving forward. Its a ruse. I am not trying to put a dampener on it because getting out to new places is, if anything else, good for the spirits. Certainly better than stuck between the same 4 walls all day.

The path took us eventually back to the little lake via a bridge. It was a nice walk. Apparently there are woodpeckers and other birds there but we saw nothing. Its just good being out in nature. The sounds and the smells make it easier to be mindful in the surroundings and less introspection is always a good thing in my case. We spent a good bit of time down there. At one point my wife spotted a fox and although we carefully made our way toward it the fox vanished from view. This led to me losing all sense of fear and climbing up a large incline filled with jaggy bushes into an open area looking for the animal. Its always my hope to catch animals on camera in the wild but not to be. The wily fox was long gone. If there was disappointment it was the lack of wildlife. The only thing caught up there was my oldest daughter who had followed me up and got trapped in a load of jaggy branches so I had to pry her out slowly.

I would like to end with a shot of wildlife but my last chance came out the blue and far too quickly for me to get the camera out. We made it back to the car and my son climbed up a small hill and couldn't get back down. I went up to help him down . I got up and took his hand. Birds suddenly flew from trees as if startled and I guess its because its off the path and they are not used to being disturbed. As I turned to take him down movement pulled me around from the corner of my eye. And there running through the trees were two deer. Stupidly, like the fox, I tried to follow as I got my camera out but they were well gone. A missed opportunity. That would have been a good way to end the post but not to be. Still I am glad I saw them though. Its not something I expected to see so I am thankful for that.