Finding positives

Some little progress over the past couple of weeks. Little things, better than no things. I'm glad a keep a note of things. My memory is terrible these days. An anxious mind is always full and always more incoming so recent thoughts and memories get thrown out pretty quickly. Its still a constant battle with fatigue as well as panic but managing to push myself out a little further. Over a month now of getting beyond half way to the school. Not any further yet and truth be told its still a battle getting just to that point, a battle I am only winning once or twice a week. So still a lot of work to do but have to remember there a time not so long ago when I struggled to get halfway to where I am now.

Sore aching body. Shaky. Not an ounce of energy. Feels like the flu but only in those regards. Some little bug bothering me at the moment but from what my wife says, who's job is customer facing, there are a lot of bugs going around at the moment. Not the flu though as I have not cold feeling and am ravenous. Some little bug running through my system so finding it more difficult than normal to push myself out. Fatigue and anxiety, one feeding off the other.

The little positives. Nothing by anyone else's standards but positives for me. Been into the supermarket a few times. Even bought things at the kiosk- not ready for the checkouts yet. Also took my oldest daughter and her friend into their club and stayed for 5 minutes which was a big thing. Really drained me though more than I realised and when I went to pick them up 90 minutes later it was panic after panic with the fatigue. Really not good at all. But I was back in their the following day with my wife and boy. They run a cafe and this time I went right inside and waited while my wife ordered a couple of cold filled rolls to take away for lunch. Also a few times have been into my wife's work again and stayed a few minutes.

All small things which sound irrelevant to most but for me worth noting. Steps in the right direction. Its a race against time to try to get some sort of normality before ATOS come calling. And they will come calling. Its just a question of when. It hangs over me. Could be 6 months away, could be 6 hours away. They will come.

The car is back on the road- for now. Not been in it yet but that is the next step. Its just a pity its this time of year where long journeys will become problematic if there are adverse weather conditions. Small journeys to begin with will do. I usually find when I spend a spell in the car it improves my walks too. I think the small world in my head is mapped differently when I am not going far and things seem further away that they really are so traveling around helps bring perspective. That is the next step.