2016

At the start of the month I celebrated my 45th birthday and it gave me cause to reflect. The past decade has been a nightmare. From 2005 until this year has been the darkest period of my life but now that is close to passing- almost past. For this reason it is important for me to look back at 2016 as it was the best year of my life for quite some time. I feel like I am almost there. 2015 ended with some hope for the first time since starting the blog and I have been able to build on that this year to the point that I am close, I feel, to normality. In fact the only doubt left lies in the places I have yet to go and things I have yet to do.

I won't harp on too long as the things I did over 2016 all appear here in various blog posts. Its been great and I hope if anything else it serves as a reminder to anyone in this situation that like adrenaline this anxiety state does not last for ever. I did actually think about winding the blog up now that I am near the end of the journey but if it does help anyone who may stumble upon it then its worth leaving. I remember at my worst I used to go on to anxiety forums and read about success stories just to stop me getting too down.

The highlight for me this year was the holiday up north which was really enjoyable but also great for all of the family. I hope for more of those. Each year around this time I usually post about being left behind for Christmas alone while the family goes up north but this year I was able to go with them for 4 days and while up there we visited a few different places. It was good. Good just to sit down to a cooked dinner at a table for a meal with family. Good to climb a hill (Kinnoull Hill pictured above) and see the views from on high and lots of other things. Just good.

Looking ahead to 2017 I think my blogging which has already slowed with become even less frequent. At least that is the hope because this is a blog about anxiety disorder and if I am blogging a lot then it means I am going backward. But my hope is for better times ahead. I hope in a year's time to be writing a new post in which I am fully recovered and hopefully in employment. 2017 is the year I really need to get back into work. Its disappointing that I am not been able to find a way to support myself as I have seen many others do but I cannot seem to find my calling. With that then I must take what I can and that is what I plan to do. Its scary from the point of view of being in a place for at least 8 hours a day not knowing if I can cope and maybe having to put up with panic again but the only way I will know is to do it. 2017 will be the year I hope to be back to proper normality with all the trappings and benefits.

Anyway all that is left is to wish everyone a happy new year and I hope 2017 is a good year for you all.

All the best

Rab