Week Seven
Feeling so shitty at the moment and not sure why. Change in weather maybe. Very cold indoors, very wet outdoors. Lessening daylight hours and of those few are bright. Lack of rays possibly. Or just the lack of light to shine upon leaving the mood dark. Whatever it is its crawled in when the sun went away.
So fatigued and although I am getting longer sleeps at the moment it doesn't seem to replenish the energy any quicker. Can't remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed. That might be down to age as much as anything else. We all know how it is. In our heads we are still teenagers. I think I over catastrophise a lot of physical things in that way. Like a few weeks ago in the post about the old folks. I see them through a child's eyes. I forget my own lack of activity in comparison to them. I forget that they are not many as many decades older as through my eyes. I forget I am getting on in years which means I cannot run about like I used to when I also have not run for a long time. Its not self denial, its just absent mindedness in regards to the aging process. Even looking at my skin or blemishes I forget that its not uncommon given that I am fast approaching my 40s.
I couldn't be bothered going out but I forced myself out. Better to at least make the effort lest the guilt set in. This photo is rubbish, I know. But that is the thing, I will post crap photos sometimes for illustrative purposes, or maybe more often than not- its subjective of course. Well not this one- its crap, end of story. The weather has changed and maybe my mood and drive with it as I said. I like the rain but electronic things don't. That is why if nothing else if I can get out because I'm worried about my wee camera. Like me its getting on a bit and not waterproof and should something happen to it through my own stupidity then no more photos for me and no more photos for my family. So have to be careful.
The reason this one is so poor is it was the only sheltered spot I could find to try to illustrate the change in weather. It is though also proof to myself that I was out as it would have been easier and better to take a shot from indoors to the outside. A puddle if nothing else.
Just the two photos this week because there really isn't much else to show- even for illustrative purposes. I took enough but they were all either very poor or very drab or just totally uninteresting. I was up the loft a few times this weeks and have photos of a barren messy little area which are no good to man or beast. Some outdoors which are blurry from the poor light of a cloudy day or rain spattered when I decided to take a risk. Others too. Nothing worth posting though.
On the other side of things lots of tension and anxiety and subsequently tiredness. Not helped by the boy being in bed with us most of the night a few nights this week kicking off covers and taking up 90% of the bed. I always have tension in my body when he sleeps there probably, which to be honest is a rarity, because my wife and I are like bookends teetering on either edge while he sprawls out. Not that it happens often. Above was taken on one of the few walks. A break in the rain. Here is an area I refer to as Alton Towers. Its renovated and landscaped now but there was a time when it had swing railings with no swings, monkey bars and a ground full of broken glass. I'd taken one of the kids up there for a play but there was no playing. A sarcastic name I used because my wife had told me to take the child up there one day. Well that is what I thought. Turns out where she meant, a stone's through away, there is a perfectly good play park I didn't know about. It was then. Now its vandalised and everything broken which is typical of around here.
