It was very eerie. I walked down my street and it was so quiet, pitch black but also misted over with a freezing fog. Nothing moving until I saw on the main road a car crawl by in front of me almost silent. As I approached the main road I saw the shapes of people walking on the road around between the few slow moving cars. Closer I saw them limp along. It was like a scene from "The day after tomorrow" with the world covered in a white blanket and the few inhabitants around looking like lost souls. When I went to walk on the main path I found why they were all walking on the road as my feet almost went from under me. It was solid and not something you would want to fall on. Instead of the road I stuck to the knee deep snow at the side of the path which was heavy going. So quiet and dark and strange. I walked less than half a kilometre and could see the dual carriageway ahead clogged with parked cars and lights out like they had all been abandoned. It really sent shivers down my spine. It felt like the early hours of the morning but it was only six in the evening. I headed back wanting to go further but feeling panic rise again.
What a weird old day. Quickly I want to get something out of the way. I've had more panic than usual of late but not what I would call a full blown panic attack for a while- the jolt and completely beyond control panic. Last night I had one which crested around seven and then surfed on that crest for an hour. For an hour after it subsided and never quite went but that was good enough for me and then the same thing happened again for another hour. I've never had anything like that before and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy as I was climbing walls with agitation and just wanted to rip my brain to pieces- horrible. It was little surprise that today I woke filled with dread and all day I have been fighting panic still. This morning I really couldn't see a way to make it through the day because I was stuck on inward mode and couldn't escape the darkness. There is an vague agitation of some sort in the background threatening to peak into panic which I can only assume is unspent adrenalin from the night before but even approaching midnight as I type this it is still there. My neck, shoulders and back are taut to the point of snapping and this ambiguous dark cloud keeps trying to chase me from any state of relaxation.
Anyway that out the way, I went to the window this morning when I got up to see the world was starting to return to normal. Paths and gardens and other areas were still thick with snow but the roads were clear, the sky was clear and traffic moved as normal. My wife took the kids to school and when she returned I was feeding the boy his breakfast on my lap. She was sodden and told me it had started to snow. I couldn't believe the change when I finished and went to the window. The sky was white, the ground was white and the snow kept falling. Although the sky was occluded I didn't think it would last long but it never stopped.
When the phone rang at half one I told my wife it would be the school. It wasn't. It was her work to tell her they were shutting down and so she didn't have to work the backshift. When she came off the phone she called the school and they told her they were in the processing of shutting down the school. When my wife and girls came home my wife said nothing was moving. The whole town had shut down. And watching the news shortly after I found it wasn't only our town but right across the central belt of Scotland the world had shutdown.
I have had such a hard time this last 36 hours but it is nothing compared to some. My wife spent the rest of the night relaying Facebook posts. Her friend's husband had abandoned his car and walked the 9 miles home in deep snow. Her friend from work had been in her car for seven hours and finally decided to ditch the car, an hour after I was out, to walk the 12 miles home not even kitted out for that weather in the cold, dark and freezing fog. Neighbours had walked home from neighbouring towns in blizzards and deep snow for miles.
I can't remember anything like this in Scotland. In my life I had driven in blizzards and never been stuck for more than an hour or too. Never to the point of having to abandon the car for a long hike. I watched the news later at night and people are still stranded. Some with young children too. It just seemed to come out of the blue and I am thankful that I am not one of those people but my heart really does go out to those who have been stranded. I can't even begin to imagine what they were going through. I just hope most if not all are snuggly tucked up in bed now.
According to the Met Office there is no snow forecast for the rest of the week. If so then again things might return to normal. The chaos on the streets its kind of a relfection of my own head at this point of time so I am well up for a positive change on both fronts. The sooner the better. The schools are shut tomorrow and I'll be up with the kids tomorrow hoping I do not wake up beneath the ice again trying to punch my way out. Oh god I've got to stop being such a drama queen.
