What a couple of months. Though we've been quite lucky in so much as in all the time I have lived here, about 10 years I think, we haven't had to replace much. In fact in the last 2 years its mainly been burnt out laptops, irons and hoovers with the one exception being the oven that broke but we were lucky that my sister had a brand new one not being used sitting in her garage. Recently though its gone to pot.
Last month the TV just stopped working. I had a little hurrah inside because I rarely watch the thing but it my wife's head space, when she is not on her mobile, and where the children watch and play. So we had to dig into the meagre funds we had to get a new TV and that about wiped them out. Then it was the iron, replaced at a small cost. All the while the hoover is threatening again to fall apart- god those things are built poorly. Next it was the turn of the PC. I'm alright jack because I have my laptop- for now. But the kids were making great use of it and as luck would have it the day before it broke I ordered 4 cheap games my daughter likes for her birthday. So on her birthday she got the games but nothing to play them on. We just can't afford to replace it such is the climate we are living in. Then again mustn't grumble because there are enough people on this little island who struggle to pay bills and put food on the table.
The PC took me back to my old days in IT. It was coming. A good few times my oldest daughter came through to say its broken again and I would go through to see the dreaded blue screen of death- for anyone who doesn't know Microsoft's windows has always tried to report problems it has and the BSOD is the equivalent of a shrug and a blank look. Nightmare to fix and much to my annoyance I had just cleaned the thing up, set up accounts for the kids, added photos, set up the printer, transferred a load of documents, installed additional software, etc. But there was nothing else for it I had to wipe it clean and start from scratch.
At least I would have but it wouldn't let me and then it finally gave up altogether with a couple of beeps and some flashing LEDs. Software I don't mind but I was never a hardware engineer. Regardless though I spent 2 days sitting with the thing in bits sure that if I disconnected things one at a time I would find the source and change with what spare parts I had. Needless to say after two days I gave it a swift kick and its lying cowering in a corner.
This led my wife to phoning an engineer for a three quote. I am not good on the phone so she agreed to do it. First oddity was that he refused to have the PC dropped out so I was straight on to Google and found his "premises" was in fact a house. Then he wanted me to check something. He wanted me to check it wasn't the monitor which I knew it wasn't and had me thinking "we have a chancer". So I passed the phone to my wife who was talking to him on loud speak while I read a book and he took details before announcing he was on his way around to run some tests and try out some diagnostics. No chance, but it got me panicky for a bit while my wife deliberated.
At a push I could find some of the money for a new PC but it would leave us short and the rest my wife hoped would come in the shape of a loan from her sister. Before she could ask her though there was a snap in the kitchen and my wife came out saying the washing machine door was broke and she couldn't get the clothes out. Eventually I managed to break my way in and spent the night trying to fix the handle after analysing how it worked. I couldn't fix it though. So two engineers were called, both checked and said that the part could no longer be got and a new machine would be required. Bloody annoying. The machine works fine but has a broken handle and it needs a whole replacement? Yep, unfortunately. So that is where the money went and we are down a PC to boot.
The only good thing is, if you can call it that, we have now just about replaced everything costly so we should be OK for a bit. Its come at a bad time though because this month and next there are about 10 birthday including two of my kids and my dad's 60th. Its a time when we expected to take a hit but not this big a hit. And at the back of my mind with the threat of Cameron's henchman coming along to make us poorer and a big credit card debt only being maintained as it is I have more anxiety than usual. My debt is not down to the banks as much as I continue to criticise them but a flaw in my character- my inability to be a chancer. My brother in law had a quarter of the debt on his credit card that I have. In a couple of calls he had the debt reduced, 0% interest for 12 months and agreed to pay a very bare minimum a month. They have two full time wages coming in. I on the other hand have a part time wage and benefits while paying nearly 30% interest after 13 years of loyalty. And the difference is not employment status. Were I to get a well paying job tomorrow, not that I could, I'd still only be firefighting the debt. I just can't brassneck it, its not in my character. Yet I see the benefits and I continue to service rather than fight back.
Anyway, that character flaw is a source of frustration that constantly gnaws at me. It used to be something I was proud of when I looked at people cheating the system and use every loophole they could find to worm there way out of their obligations. But where does it get you? How far does pride get you? God I'm still £80 down, which isn't a lot of money but was still mine, because the stupid bank suspended my phone banking when my account was raided and told me to get it reset I'd need to go into my local branch- which I cannot do.
Just had to get that off my chest. A big old rant that has been building. For the moment all is OK though however close on the horizon the dark clouds build. I look I my dad who is constantly distraught in his search for work week to week as he approaches his 60th birthday and currently is getting up at six am then getting home ten at night with nearly three hours of driving and periods of heavy lifting which he even admits now is too much for him. And for what? He is actually not much more than breaking even because wages are minimum and fuel costs a fortune- he has to pay for his own expenses. Now wouldn't he be better off like some chancers claiming benefits? I can see why the government want them investigated but they are going about it the wrong way. And on top of that there are other issues that need looked at too. Yet my dad refuses to even sign on when he can't find work. He much prefers to fret constantly on the phone, at the job centre and visiting work places in the hope that he can find something.
Money aside things have been sort of OK of late. There has been an influx of visitors and I've coped OK. I think to some extent I am coming to terms with some things and learning to accept them. Still there is lots of anxiety though. When I say I am sort of coming to terms its more a minute to minute thing. Its a wet bar of soap I keep grasping. But maybe that's a start.
