Yesterday I went back to Deepak Chopra's "Synchrodestiny" which I never actually stopped reading intentionally- I did blog about this before some time last year or there abouts. One day it just wasn't there and had vanished like all the other things in this small abode. Shortly before my wife left last week she gutted out some drawers and little cupboards in the kitchen and rediscovered the book- among some other things. So with not a lot else to do I started reading over from the begining again. Its quite a fascinating read but then I am not much read on such things so there is a lot that fascinates me.
"We discover that by applying attention and intention to these coincidences, we can create specific outcomes in our lives. We connect with everyone and everything in the universe, and recognise the spirit that unites us all. We unveil the wonderousness that is hidden deep inside us and revel in our newfound glory, We consciously shape our destinies into the limitlessly creative expressions they were meant to be, and by doing so we live out our most profound dreams, moving closer to enlightenment. This is the miracle of synchrodestiny."
Its actually the second sentence I want to talk about even though the rest is much more interesting and worth talking about. All that being part of the universe and connecting with everyone else. That is something I find hard. And nor is it the first time it has cropped up. In the ACT book, Pema Chodron and other things it comes down to at time this being at one with the universe and every other being. I didn't see the point and I think maybe this is something that I have to look at. There is a problem. I cannot do it nor really do I want to do it. Why? Well I think I have become out of sync with the world.
"Picture a school of fish swimming in one direction, and then in a flash , all the fish change direction. There is no leader giving directions. It all happens simultaneously. This synchrony is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through what we call the soul."
Put like that I do get it but I still have a problem with it and maybe that problem is my problem- I don't know. I used to stand at the window on a lot of winter's evenings for a while watching the birds flock back and forth. It was captivating to me. The more I got lost in it the more it seemed less of a sequence of events and more like a natural visual pulse. It was like a celestial heart where at each point of the turn the form would contract and as the birds set off in the new direction the form would expand. Amazing really, nature is amazing.
So I am wondering if I am out of sync. Were I a bird would I be shooting off to the left while everyone else was heading to the right? Would I struggle to get in time and into sync with the rest of my brethren. Its not unlike now. When I go out the door the world to me is not a place I feel I can fit into. You know just march in and slot right into place at the same step but instead hope from foot to foot trying fruitlessly to get in rhythm. A bit liketrying to fit a square in a circlular hole. There is friction and much resistance as if I am re-entering the atmosphere and will burn up well before the point of safety.
The trouble is everywhere I seem to look I am being told the way forward is to bond with the people around me and the world at large. The conflict comes because I don't want to, I don't feel I need to. What I am not sure though is whether I am right to stick to what feels right to me or do something that feels instinctively plastic because it is what needs to be done. It has made me have a real think about whether I am being unreasonable or whether instead this is a further realisation that I just don't belong out there.
"Fearfulness and anxiety fall away as we stand in wonder observing the world as it unfolds."
Then again maybe I am taking things too literally as I have a tendency to do. It might well be that it is more about dealing with negativity within yourself than how it effects others. It could be its more to do with finding something inside that resonates rather than reaching out and sharing compassion with all those other faceless lost souls. I don't know, I really don't. One thing I do know is though that I prefer watching the flocks of birds as opposed to being part of it. I could watch it for hours if it were ever to last that long. The peace for me is in the observing rather than in the participation and quite possibly that is how it will always be if I want to remain true to myself.
