My youngest daughter is having a hard time at the moment. It is half ten and I'm looking after the kids as my wife is on a work night out. Today has been a long one as there has one been three hours of it where I have not been in sole charge of all three. The youngest daughter is settled at the moment but all day she has been screaming in pain. Its constipation and its the third time in the last week. I can only think its a product of this recent bug they have had as the oldest daughter has started complaining of a sore stomach and the boy was constipated earlier, though milder.
Its very hard to watch. We've been giving her medicine and also things like grapes to help her on her way but she is scared. She refuses to budge because of the pain she knows she must endure to get over this and instead has lain in pain on and off for most of the day. I feel so helpless. All I can do is hold her and settle her.
Today she was sitting on my knee for a spell and told me that her cousin is, in her own words, 'a disgrace'. Her cousin is roughly twice her age and autistic. They are not long back from spending time with her on their recent Easter break up north. When I asked her to explain she said that her cousin always wants to play with her but as soon as her big sister, my oldest daughter, wants to play too the two of them ignore her. Typical children. I am sure between the three of them one gets left out on occasion but it differs which one each time. So I told her not to worry about it and if they keep doing it to her to tell her mum which seemed to do the trick.
A few minutes of silence later she looked up at me and said "Do you know what daddy? When my cousin and my sister stop playing with me do you know that I do?". I didn't, of course. "I sing secret songs" she said. I was intrigued to find out what these were but she told me she couldn't tell me- because they were secret. A few minutes later again I could hear her singing quietly to herself. There were very few audible words and most was just a murmur but I did pick out, on two occasions, her cousin's name. I waited a few moments and before I could ask she said "Did you hear that song daddy?". When I said I did but I couldn't hear the words she replied "That's a secret song." And with that she was content. She buried her head in my chest and had a look of satisfaction. A little glimpse without revealing the secret.
I wonder what goes on in that little head sometimes. In July she will be five and I wonder what lies ahead. She comes out with some of the strangest things but everyone of them is very personal to her and is usually a form of self protection. It does make me sad to think of her sitting alone singing her songs in her head. I just wonder if she has a song for her current predicament. Of the three children she is the most sensitive so the pain is revealed more- for streets away I don't doubt. Hopefully she will be over it soon and back to her usual bright self.
